Well i want to kill myself. Its been that way for a few years and i mad 1 attempt so far (not recently). If been abused a little as a child, my parents divorced due to my dads drug addiction when i was in 4th grade. I never had a single friend till sophomore year in high school. Every one hated me even tho i was the quiet sit in the corner kid. I was extreamly bullied till high school. The reason im still here is because the 1st friend i made in high school made me think that life is worth living. Eventually i feel hopelessly in love with her and she was my first love even tho she never felt the same. I made some good friends who turned into a somewhat social person.
But when out off the blue sky my friend said goodbye to me because she hated my guts even tho i have never done anything to hurt her at all. She was my closest friend and my first love and just gone like that. I have a girlfriend who i have been with for a while and good friends but i just cant cope with that loss. After events that made me feel horrible following here leaving i honestly dont want to live anymore at all. Shes in my subconscious and in my dreams almost every night. I hate myself, i feel worthless, the thought of living sickens me. Even tho everyone i know would tell me im not and Its been this way for a over a month.
side notes: i hate the thought of institutions, i dont believe in talking to medical professionals and would hurt anyone that come in a truck trying to take me.