If you have read my last posts you know how I got here…
Yesterday I lost my new job. The job was not for me, but it was a job. I have been so morbidly depressed over the loss the new life I had found, the loss of my home, and the loss of my things, being trapped living in a hotel room, I tried to work at this new job. It was not a fit for me. Under normal conditions I would have made it work, but I simply could not. I literally tried to hide my tears back throughout the day.
I cannot stop thinking about what my life just was and what it should be. How good it was.
Now I am off to a new city in the morning. I am driving 1400 miles to start over, again.
I have limited capitol, no medication, so source of counseling. I will be without a net.
This is sink or swim.
I hope I did not see my mom tonight for the last time. I have told them I have been suicidal but I don’t think they really understand that I have really been this way for 3 months.
My dog is sick. I must get her to a vet asap even tho I cannot afford it.
Leaving in the morning. To my death, to a new life?
I am scared. Really scared. Fear of death has kept me alive. Now we will see which I fear less,.. death, surviving, or homelessness.