I’m 19 years old and ever since I can remember, I felt rejected. My father did not show any love. Instead, he decided to have multiple affairs and leave me and my mother every night to satisfy his sick needs. How can he choose random females over his family?! I can remember one day trying to be involved in one of my fathers and older sisters conversations..he looked at me and told me to get away. Not having that love and affection from my father sent me out seeking it. At 11 years old I invited these 2 boys over which were friends but i knew they liked me. They tried to have sex with me and I covered my pants and shook my head. Their reply was “you cant invite us over and not let anything happen”. I still did not want to have sex. One of them bit my back and the other one grabbed my arms. While one held me down, the other one raped me. After they were done they told me to not tell anyone. Later that day I received multiple phone calls from people I didn’t talk to asking why I let them have sex with me. I received phone with people calling me a hoe. No one knew the truth.
I changed schools trying to start over and people still wanted to beat me up and called me a hoe. I began to cutting and selfharming. People in my new school bullied me. I’m not sure why. They constantly called me names and talked about me. No one did anything about it. Teachers watched and principles did not believe me..even when I cried.
At 14 I had a boyfriend who I was with for 4 years. I thought I was in love with him but that void was still not filled. I cheated on him multiple times. When we broke up every one in his family called or texted me saying I’m a hoe. They hated me. One of the people I cheated on my ex-boyfriend with is my current boyfriend. I finally felt like I was somebody. The first months of our relationship I was bullied by one of the girls from his past. He constantly called me a hoe and a slut, she tried to break us up. She apollogized..she did it again. I had a new facebook message from her everyday. She told me my boyfriend will realize that I am a hoe and leave me for her. I do not have any friends.
Because of this I have really bad insecurities. I have 2 forms of depression and I have anxiety. I tried to commit suicide on January 27, 2012. I overdosed on sleeping pills. My boyfriend called the cops and an ambulance came. My life will never be the same. I feel like I’m constantly being judged. I will never be good enough..
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2 comments
May I saw, where you live, people judge to often, from where I live, my friends or Atleast people I am around don’t take time to judge others for mistakes, people these days are to damn cruel and its horrible. People don’t deserve what they are told like this, name calling bullies it’s not worth it, they only do it to make themselves better but I bet you they have problems they don’t let people know about, if any time you need someone to talk to be there for you, please feel free to contact me at rhahan32@live.com you won’t regret it, I’m here to help you in anyway possible.
I HONESLTY KNOW what ur feeling while im in seventh grade and im getting bullied everyday by my bestfriends</3. ive tried to commient sucide but it didnt work either adn i feel like i will never be the same person again. im so sorry you got raped at a young age, and those people who were bulling you are asses plain and simples they didnt know the whole story so they shouldnt have said anything! and about your boyfriend if i was you i wouldnt care about his ex because UR his girlfriend not her! and if you both truely care about each other than tell him how you feel i know its going to be hard but to a breather before and tell him he needs to tell her to stop because its hurting you more and more and you can't stand that. Ur a fighter from what i read and you can get through this i promise<33 if you need someone to talk to im here:)