As my days tick down i grow a little nervous, but at the same time relieved that my suffering will soon come to an end. I’m starting to feel the emotional pain of those left behind and what they will feel. But I’m really not close to my family and have no kids so they will recover just fine. i think they will understand that my mental illness has been too much and the future looks grim. I’m wrapping up final details here and there. tomorrow I get dog his bordetella vaccine so he can be boarded for 3 days till my father picks him up. saying goodbye to my dog is going to be very difficult but I can not continue to suffer just because of him. He is 6 and i rescued him from a bad home, and he will be going to a good home.
I just need to remain “matter of fact” about this thing and go about it with resolve. I am determined to put an end to this horrible life. I will not live out the life of extreme suffering that my mother went through and is still experiencing.
3 comments
Mike,
What illness do you have? So sorry you are going through it. Is your mother schizophrenic? Bi-polar?
Just wanted you to know that there is a witness to the pain you’re in, that you are not invisible.
–Allison (triedit)
want to talk? what is your email? or facebook maybe?
Mike!
Don’t know anything about you, so I’m not going to pretend to be able to talk you down. I have learned that whatever you do, it is logically IMPOSSIBLE to be “matter of fact” about suicide. Facts have nothing to do with what we feel and experience in our daily lives. If you’re questioning the logic of the suicide process or if you are waning in your resolve for ANY REASON, it is a step in the direction of sanity. Go with that! Or at least think about resetting the countdown clock you’ve set for the end.
From one ‘short-term survivor’ to another, maybe just keep talking it out.
(I call myself a short-term survivor because I survived my ‘end on’ date and am trying to alter my life rather than end it…for now. I’m still uncertain about my future, but I am still alive)