My housemate of 2 years and friend of 10 shot and killed himself in May of this year (2012). Â I was downstairs and had texted him to ask if he wanted some scrambled eggs I was making. Â I heard him walking around, but he never answered my text. Â Later, afterward, I looked at his phone and I saw my text message had been read. Â He knew I was up, he knew I was home. Â Twelve minutes after I sent the text I heard a sound like a box had been dropped on the floor. Â For some reason I noted the time. Â This sound was loud […]
October 2012
Here’s a song i found on youtube, this girl is an amazing singer and this song is pretty touching. Anyway, take a listen 🙂
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
stuck in a hole in south east asia, wanted by the authorities, hiding like a scared dog. truth be known, I’ve been hiding my entire life. severe depression since childhood, won’t get into the abuse i suffered but its has haunted me thru  my adult life. I crapped in my mess kit and now i have no way out other than death and frankly i don’t care any longer. Im only writing because its lonely as all hell here. I suppose dying is to be a private matter, but every step is agony and isolation. I believe the plastic bag and morphine is the way […]
Since I was born my dad has beat me for everthing!! He has made me a baseball player and anytime I would mess up he would probably leave me at the place I messed up and always hit me and tell me horrible stuff ! He even hit me hard if I just got on his nerves. He told me that alot of people are better than me at a lot of things and that i’m not his son. And since 8th grade my grades have dropped by a lot and he tells me that im worthless. My mom barely talks to me.i have […]
just wanted to wish everyone one crazy hallows eve. </3
xoxoxoxooxoxoxox
They say it gets better, and that it won’t last forever. But  I wonder when it will start for me?
It started 3 years ago. I had heard my parents fighting, and then my dad put a gun to his head and he said no one would care if he pulled the trigger. But his 12 year old daughter was watching from the doorway, and to her it mattered very much. I never told him I saw that, so he can’t understand how much that messed me up. That year was already bad. I was bullied for my weight and I’ve never really gotten over that. […]
That’s my biggest problem. I’ve made up my mind a long time ago that this is what i wanted but i still have no idea how i could end my life without too much physical pain. Physical pain is what keeps me away from suicide but i can only hope that it’s a matter of time before i find the miracle suicide method. My biggest fear is living for many more years in shame and regret because of my fear for physical pain. But sometimes i tell myself that the pain i feel inside is probably greater than any pain any suicide method would involve.There’s […]
Never know what to say when starting a new topic, so I suppose I typing this just to clear my own head.
All I seem to do is yoyo back an forth, one miniute I wanna save the world. Truly believe I can do it. Failing isn’t an option, by failing it would mean iv lied to myself for so long, about everything I believe. Peole tend to think that a small group of people can’t change the world, when it fact there the only people that ever have. And I believe that with every cell in my body.
Then in the next cold shallow […]
Is anyone going to listen? Is anyone willing to? Because I am so sick of all of this…I hate it all…I am so mad…I don’t want to be alone…not right now.
i’ve been cutting again, my mum found out and guess what she said! i have no reason to do it im just calling out for attention… that’s what she said to me. how the hell do i not have a reason to do it! i’m dieing litterally heres y i do it…
im in pain
i have cancer!
no one cares about me
my lifes stuffed up
i get bullied
and im worthless
maybe i should end it right now, maybe i should stop fighting for my life. why should i have to suffer while no one cares about me.. am i left here to rott in this stupid hospital with a […]
Does anyone know if Duke is ok? Ever since I started posting here three months ago, he never missed a day from being present. Now it’s been almost three since I last heard from him. His last post talked about … “would you like to know if someone from SP has decided to end it?” I never knew how these kind of disappearances could affect me, since this is the first time I’m worried about someone here having left. Jjgirl also posted this would be her last day. Can’t stop thinking about these “strangers” that now certainly do feel more like friends. I hope I […]
-___________-I’m back to square one. The ones I trust don’t understand what I’m going through and now everyone thinks its funny to call me a slut and they think I’m lying about being sexually molested by my old friend v.v i give up
I’m in one of those scarily destructive moods where I’m torn between screaming and breaking things or curling into a ball, crying and hurting myself. And because I am resisting both I am just sitting still and silently wishing to die. I need to save myself but I don’t know how.
I need stability and a clear mind.
In July, my best, Eleanor, lost* her father.
In August, she lost* her mother. Eleanor and her brother then moved into her grandmother’s house.
In September, her aunt flew down from Brooklyn. Eleanor, her brother, and her grandmother moved to NYC with the aunt. By and by, in my own personal life, my uncle died suddenly. I was very close to him and needed him very much.
In early October, my english teacher had two heart attacks in very quick succession, and she died.
Let me clear something up: I am not sad that these people died. It sounds cold, but let me explain. In the […]
After everything, i hate myself more than ever. My boyfriend hates me, i have no mother or any family to support me. Today was the last straw, with my boyfriend taking everything out on me, I don’t want to be here.
But i’ve realised, i have friends that support and love me, and if they knew i was this low, they would be looking after me every minute of the day, the drink takes the pain away. But i can’t do it, i’m scared of anyone finding me dead
I’m not jogging anymore, because people began to notice me and laugh when they saw me in the streets. It just made me feel even shittier about myself.
Back to the drawing board.
Its really really getting to me…. and its all from my MOTHER… i just want to runaway and be HAPPY
If today was my last day alive i wonder who would miss me? i wonder if my mother would realize she was the cause of me killing myself with of all the emotional abuse……. smh probably not, only thing she would be worried about is how much money she can get out of my death. Every since i told her that im a lesbian its been HELL, it was hell before i came out but it