random thoughts

ive been trying to keep a happy face on for the last week because i dont want to hurt anyone anymore. its kind alike at first they were worried about me and now its old news and i make them sick to their stomach or something, i dont want to be a burden and i dont want people to feel obligated to listen to my whining. it hurts though, knowing that none i know has the power to help me. it hurts that i cant find a way out of my own misery and it hurts that i’ve reached out to everyone and nothing has changed…they all say the same thing. i dont really know where to go from here. i feel like nothing im doing in my life is helping me or getting me anywhere. im in a university and everyones so proud, but i dont feel proud of myself. i dont know why i just dont feel like im doing anything productive and i keep trying. most days i daydream about shooting myself orwasting away just to get out of this endless routine. away from the lonlyness, away from helplessnes.  i just dont know what to do….