I am 45 years old and contemplating killing myself.I never had a girlfriend.I try to be kind and decent to others around me but, feel no true caring from others.I have been attending school part-time on and off since 1994.More off due to my crippling anxiety and lack of self-worth.My “goal” is to become a special education teacher.People arround my treat me like I am sub-human and are only nice to me if they want something.I irritate others arround me because I am so fucked-up socially.      U nfortunately I am       starting to develop a hatred for humankind, even though I do not want to feel this way.This hatred saddens me greatly and makes me want to cry.I used to have faith in God but not anymore.I feel like a rowboat adrift at sea with no land in sight.I really fucking hate living!
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6 comments
I sometimes hate the human race as well. Can you move somewhere else to continue your studies? Perhaps if your environment changed, you’d feel more motivated. Depression sucks and lots of us here feel the way you do about life and have the wish to leave this planet. Good night from me :).
Thank You!
I’m sorry you feel this way Specialed. Now I understand that you are from Ohio – not UK – and that your name probably refers to the special education goal you have. Good luck with that. I’m kind of the eternal student too, tho’ lately I’ve been feeling – ‘been there done that’ about adult education etc. (I’m 50). Zoe x
Your 45 so you at least gave things a go, don’t hate people though it isn’t worth it. I’ll be catching the train fairly soon.
Maybe you should move.? Ok Easier Said Than Done. It’s good your have a goal.
My special education teacher kicked me out of school. I hope your be a good & kind teacher.