What is the point?IDK

I have been feeling really low for years I am a 5’11 African american 22 year old fat girl I intimidate people so I can understand why some people turn their faces up when I enter the room or when I do something embarrassing why they judge me with their eyes sometimes  I want to  take myself out of this world so as to not burden my family. My shameful trying face is my problem its fake to me That face of  mine that tries at life the me that is happy feel like all an act to work for an empty place that never exists and I’m starting to feel like even strangers can see through me and I tense up and become awkward. I haven’t had a job since 2010 of course I’ve had job interviews lots I but begun to see absolutely no point in going anymore since none of them call me back and now all I want  is to die I don’t want reach any my goals anymore I don’t want a lot of money, friends,and family all I think about is dying in my sleep that way me or anyone else will not stop me from accepting that some people just don’t fit any where in this world. I feel like if I can just die in my sleep my sudden death will prevent from having those fake “don’t kill yourself ” talks ” We will miss you, We love you” its all a piece of crap coming from my family who I try too much to please and still I get harsh unnecessary criticism, I get  called stupid, cursed at, embarrassed intentionally, laughed at, and the worst of all ignored i just cant deal with it anymore.

I have been recentlty given a deadline to move out of my mothers house honestly if I get kicked out of my moms house I really have nothing and nowhere to go I think instead of waiting  for my body to give up before that date comes I will do something myself