when will the pain end

Hey there when. You have depression and I believe you when you say so.
I had both depression and a severe eating disorder at your age, as well. I self harmed later in life.

You said your family does not know the truth but then say they don’t take you seriously or think you are lying. So you have told them? And what – they pat you on the head and want it to go away so they assure you that you are okay. You are fine.

Sounds like if this is the case, they have not supported you to feel loved in a way you need it to resonate. Everyone experiences that sense of self worth and love in different ways you know? WHat works for one may not for another. A deadly force at work underlying all of this is how parents do not listen – I mean REALLY listen – instead they talk away and want the reality to not exist. So here you are feeling worse than before. Like how far does one have to go before someone truly understands? How often do you have to punish yourself mentally and let the pain go by cutting to stop the internal angst?

You asked if anyone know how hard it is to battle life alone. I do. I was you at 15 & 16. Sometimes I still am but because I did not have access to the resources way back when dirt was an invention and the wheel had not been yet created. Yeah. I am old – olde with an E.

Back then the cure was to ignore or sedate the shit out of kids. Some threw them away and locked em up. What you have now is intelligent resources who can help you if your family would just take the time to HEAR. They call it ACTIVE listening. Meaning they shut up and HEAR what you have to say. No interrupting. No telling you what to do. They need to hush and at first maybe your words come out jumbled. Let them. They will come out more clearly the longer you family lets you talk. Tell them do not interrupt for at least 10 minutes while you get this out. Tell them you just want them to ACTIVELY listen.

I hate that you go to sleep crying. I hate that I still do. But there is a lot of hope in getting you out of this shit hole of which you speak. It starts by telling them to ACTIVELY listen.

HUGS

and a tissue if you cry tonight