Cursed Life

I’ve never been a person who believes in the supernatural but there’s one curse I truly believe in which is my own life, or should I say, my family and I. This is my first post on here so I’ll make this relatively brief but from my outlook my family is cursed and I’m the one worst off. Mother and father divorced at age 3/4, sister in foster care by age 8/9 after serious drug problems causing mental health issues. My mother and uncle dont talk to one another any more after my uncle decided to believe a bunch of lies his wife said about my mother – manipulative little ***** that she is (wife). Dad sends hate mail occasionally to my mother and barely ever lifts a finger for his kids. We live in a shitty maisonette that is in dire need of repairs but we don’t have the money to fix it and still live in a town where day by day all these hurtful memories still linger. And my mother has chosen another partner who has heart problems and can barely do basic tasks without being out of breath.

Then there is me. Learning problems from a young age, not major like a disability but some problems with speech and introversion. Sexually abused at age 7 or something which, after reading, can really fuck up someone’s ability to create social pathways in the brain which is why today I find it hard to make basic conversation with people. Serious trust issues which has resulted from bullying at school and to top it off 2 serious mental breakdowns that has made me been diagnosed with bi polar disorder. Fuckin great. I didn’t ask for any of it yet the universe seems determined to make my life shitty as hell. Luckily I did make some friends along the road but they’re all gone now to universities and what not. I was meant to be going back to uni as well but had a major bi polar episode over the summer and quite frankly I’m sick of this world already at age 21.

I have read a lot of comments on here about how bad people’s lives are but quite frankly, some of what I have read is quite trivial and I know you can find happiness if you decided to look in the right places. Others I have read and are truly shocking and I feel for you. So yesterday I bought a bunch of things that would see me off this life. I don’t know if I’ll go through with it any time soon but it just gives me comfort knowing that if one day I really do have a bad time the choice is there. Bye for now.