When I apologized to you the other day in case my inquiry had upset you,Â I had not yet seen your comment. Yesterday I saw it and read it and I feltÂ hurt againÂ even though I know I am not responsible for your hurt, but we are all in this thing together, and I just feel bad and think in the future I must be even more careful about asking people here questions. I cannot seem to find your comment in order to reply to it there, soÂ I am doing it here. Even if we can consider it healing therapy to hurt and cry, I still feel bad about it.Â I can understand the head slamming, and I saw this guyÂ in the mental hospital slam his head full force into a hardwood door, everyone on the unit ran away from him, staff rushed in and tied him up. I fully understand the head slam as a desire to get out of the miserable body experience.Â Reminds meÂ of waking in a panic, having to jump out of bed, then run out of my room, then I began running from the residence until I stopped myself and realized I cannot run from myself no matter howÂ hard and fast I run. I also just wanted to let you know, like you, I used to hold my breath (if I did not get my way). My mom would seeÂ me begin to turn purple and give in to me. Then sheÂ spoke with the same psychiatrist she would take me later at age 5. He told her not to give in to me and just let me hold my breath, I will pass out and start breathing again and then no longer engage in the behavior. All I can sayÂ about that: shitty advice from an ignorant male psychiatrist in the late ’60s. He should have told my mother to pick me up and hold me, she simply lacked a loving caring maternal instinct it seems to me, as she was all caught up in her own mental illness.
I am glad to see you read happier today then the other day, Amakua. I hope my presence on this site is more helpful than hurtful to others. For myself, this site seems both helpful and hurtful. I feel good to identify withÂ many of you people, but then it often wells up my own pain–oh well, I guess we cannot have the good without the bad.