Does is ever get better?

Let’s see. 4 years. 4 years ago was the first time I took a blade to my own wrist. And now here I am, barely a teenager and I want to die for the millionth time. Whenever something bad happens I automatically think; “let’s save that for later, you can rid the tainted blood with one trip to your special drawer”. But sometimes, sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes I just have a thousand thoughts running through my head, all of the bad things that have happened and keep happening. Hey, your antidepressants make you cold all the fucking time. Your dad is never here and he’s probably having an affair. Your mom is a **** and your brother beats you. Your older brother, the only one you really loved, is now in the coast guard and you don’t know when you’ll see him again. You’re constantly being harrassed at school because you trusted one person with your secret. Bad mistake.
But on top of all these thoughts, there’s always that one bright idea “go carve out your arm and watch the bad blood escape. Wait for the pain to become real and then afterwards you’ll feel better. But sometimes, I sit there and bleed and my mind is still churning itself to mush. And the one thought that constantly stands out is “hey, what if you took that razor and punctured the artery. Then you’d really be pain free forever. Living isn’t gonna get you anywhere because you always seem to end up back here, the cutterslut on her bedroom floor. Do it now, you big fuck up.”
So basically, what I’m here to ask is:
Does it ever get better?