If I could rub the genie lamp I’d wish for a view of how everything turns out after I exit or before. Life is tolerable. It’s true I don’t have the white picket fence that little girls dream of…when I was little I was trying to survive my reality and that left no time for dreaming of white picket stuff.
If I knew for certain this is all my life would ever be, then it would be oh so simple to say good bye. Maybe some people don’t find their soul-mates and they’re alone for ever. Or maybe I’m too fucked up to have a soul mate, it’s hard to say.
When I focus on how much I hurt everyday and how my unhappiness stems from my inability to heal my brokenness. It’s that moment when my internal pain becomes more than I can handle, when the ugly cry rears its head, it makes sense that cutting helps express the uncontrollable sadness that I can’t alleviate in less harmful ways…
2 comments
“Life is tolerable” and full of disappointments I see you saying.
“Uncontrollable sadness” is something that I also feel today.
No white picket fence here either.
I hope you feel better tomorrow.
You’re a good writer.
AMantleOfBlue – Thank you for understanding. I hope you’re doing better too.