one of the reason i am depressed is because i hate my job (who doesn’t right?) so i have decided that after one month in hell, I will quit my job. I had a nastyÂ argumentÂ with my mother about it. She didn’t want me to leave the job because everyone she knows thinks it is a good job.. a good comfortable job. they don’t know the other end of it. I feel so miserable I get panic attacks I started to feel depressed and I am really stressed out. I lost so much weight the clothes that I ordered online that couldn’t even pass through my chest now fits me perfectly. sure, I got skinny but I got skinny because I was miserable. I didn’t loose the weight in a healthy way.
Today, I got a nail out of my chest when my mother said that she would try to help me get another job.
Don’t get me wrong, it is not because she would help me, I felt better because of the fact that I am able to gain acceptance.
I can endure many things. In my first job, I stayed there for a year and so despite the super low pay. I stayed because I was thinking that I am still useful to the company. So I stayed, I stayed because of the job and because I had faith in the company. Despite that, I still have to leave due to other circumstances.
I even told my current employer that if it wasn’t for that unlikely circumstances, I would have been still in that company now doing the same job.
Over the past few weeks I felt so helpless and scared. I called my friends to feel better but hearing them over the receiver makes me think that they are not interested in helping me anyway. so maybe you could say I was disappointed.
I want to leave my job because I want to regain my spark. I want to be able to write without feeling fear or guilt or both.
It is not that I need affirmation, I just want peace of mind.
I want to be myself again at least the half happy me who pretends life is good because things are less complicated.
but the me with a father and a mother in one roof together with my brother, that me will never come back.