I stood outside the window as the wind and cold played its part in making me numb enough to watch him cheat. I had just gotten home after I had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and had gone to visit him to see what project had kept him busy enough to only allow him the time to see his ill girlfriend once during her time in the hospital.
I heard her moaning as I approached the door, and naturally I had to see with my own eyes, so I peered into the window with the slit in the curtains.
It was her, a girl that we both knew from the school we went to in our high school years. Brittany, Tiffany, maybe Courtney. Much smaller than I, she stood only 5’3 and thinner by far, compared to my 5’8 height and fuller body weighing in at 170. That’s why he chose that position. I saw where he had gotten the inspiration for a tattoo he wanted me to get. She had it in red on her lower back stretched to inches away from her hips, which he gripped firmly as his legs straightened out under her.
I watched until they were finished; hot tears on my face never ending, never drying.
I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking straight to his bedroom.
“I’m sorry, I left a few things here.”
I heard her exclaim “What the hell? Anthony I thought you werent with her anymore!”
I grabbed my things as he told her to get out. I couldnt fit everything in one bag but I decided to leave the rest. He caught me as I left the room.
“Rain, she’s just a whore”
I lifted my heavy head and said, “No, Anthony. You are”
I pushed past him and ran out the door, but my legs were weak from being in the hospital and I fell. He was at my side in a flash wiping my tears as he asked why I didnt tell him I left the hospital today.
I answered his question with a question. “Did you want time to hide your infidelity?”
I stood up before he could answer, put my bag in the car, and drove off..leaving him standing in his driveway in his boxers.
I drove to Josh’s house where I am now. His girlfriend eyeballing me, but i had nowhere else to go.
Josh made me hot chocolate and brought me blankets. He quickly kissed my forehead goodnight before retiring to his room with his girlfriend.
What the hell have I gotten myself into? I should just end it all right here and save myself and everyone else some pain. I have no one…
Next question. Slit Wrists, or poisened blood?
20 comments
OMG what a sleazeball!
Your writing style is really beautiful. Have you ever tried writing stories?
Yeah..:[
Why, thank you. I have written things, but only for English classes.
You should write. You are truly gifted. I’d read it.
Take care of yourself. You’ll find someone better than him. I know I’ve done some bad things, but I’d never treat a girl like that.
You were very brave to walk in and get your things. What a jerk! He was even a jerk to the girl he cheated with. You are so blessed to be rid of him I share some lines I wrote over 40 years ago. “Sometimes, still, I think I’ll never smile again. Except the difference now, I know I will.” And so will you beautiful lady. Fight the good fight and stay alive!
You really think so? Thank you..your comment made things a lot better. Maybe I should write things.
I’m sure youre not a monster. I watched 2 years swirl down a drain yesterday. He watched it too and had no emotion. His only deffense was that she was a whore. *sigh*
Vedura thank you…I dont think i’ll ever get over this though. Those are good guidlines for me right now. It truly is a fight to stay alive.
I want to share one more thing. I thought the same once, that my boyfriend was a whore, but never said it. I’m glad you did. He called me a whore when, after four years of saying ‘no’ to ‘going all the way,’ I said yes. He called me a whore as he thrust in and out of me, my first time; I was a virgin. When I got back to the dorm, I thought to myself. If I’m a whore, he’s a triple, quadruple, so many times more whore for all the women he’d slept with.
I’ve written a novel and included this experience. It was only two paragraphs, however. The novel covers a lot more about how damaged love can make one want to die.
I’ve been in writer’s groups where they think it’s silly to want to die for love. Geez! Some of the greatest literature holds that plot.
Hang in there and keep on writing.
We as humans hang on to many things, some more meaningful than others. The things we care less for obviously bare no effect on us, but it is that which matters most being taken from us such a hard concept to grasp. He took your trust from you, and it drives you insane to know that the whole time you watched this terrible act he never once looked up to stop and think that betraying your trust was a bad idea. Suicide is not the answer, finding your trust again is. Be strong, you have to carry on, your release from the hospital is testament to the fact that you are strong enough to make it through the hardest times, keep your head high.
Son of Kings, youre right. That is exactly why I watched. I held my breath the whole time hoping that he would stop and remember me…he didnt..like I was worthless and I do feel worthless.
Heartbreak..is worse than anything I could have weathered in the hospital. I’d rather have stayed there than to be discharged to find that the one person that I needed, didnt care about me. I’d rather not have known that he cheated. Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is pain.
Son of Kings you are very right…*sigh* I will try
Vedura, why do they do that? He’s called me a whore because guys flirt with me and comment on my looks. I dont even say anything back. He just used to get angry with me because others thought I was decent looking. I never once cheated and it never once crossed my mind…but he cheated on me when I was in the hospital for a week sick as a dog. No, I dont think it’s silly to want to die for love..people who say that have never really been in love.
Thanks
Why they do it? I don’t really know, but perhaps to deflect their own guilt. Look at the way men in the Middle East treat women. Yet, they are helpless without us.
Rain, I don’t usually say this, but you must fight to live. You can live!. From your writing, I see what a beautiful and strong person you are. Please give it time.
I’m 68 years old and still have not found a permanent relationship, except with my divine pets. But I swear that the angels, if they exist, were watching over me when I lost some of the men in my life that I thought I couldn’t live without. My life is so much better for them leaving.
You need only yourself, I may have not witnessed the act of infidelity before but I have been slave to its aftermath. You feeling like you are worthless is one caused by a selfish act, so counter with the greatest selfish act of all, picking yourself up and doing what’s best for you.
Thanks for the advice. I will take your word for it because you seem like a person who really does care…or do I just trust too easily
Trust is not a bad thing, it’s those who betray your trust who are the bad ones. I’m not looking to be right or anything, I am merely trying to show you that there are people in this world who truly do care.
Rain, The same could be said about me, trusting and loving too deeply. I found out one boyfriend was cheating the same day I resigned from my job to move out of town with him. I decided to go ahead and leave the job that I wasn’t crazy about in the first place and traveled 15,000 miles around the Western US, mostly camping and with a new camera. I didn’t want to stick around to watch him and his much younger girlfriend with all our friends in common.
Love and trust are deep, beautiful delicate matters; but many don’t seem to understand that.
Time for me to retire for the day. I wish you all the best. You have it more ‘together’ than you might realize.
Wow….*sigh* so much experience. Right now it doesnt seem like i have it all together. Thank you. I hope you get a great night’s sleep and are on here more often to give more great advice.
Thank you Son of Kings. It’s people like you who are the reason that people like me push through life.
We breathe the same air, so from time to time it is easy to understand why it’s hard for another person to breathe. If ever you need to talk I’m only a email away.
Im gonna email you. I need tot alk to people that think like you do