No emotion?

I have felt little to no emotion as of late. I am confused. Possibly insane. Nothing in this world, nothing,  I cannot understand. Try as I might, I cannot figure out my way out of my corner. The maze in my head. This is my DARK ABYSS. I guess. Shannon being dead couldn’t be registered emotionally, I could feel no emotions. If this is numbness, then holy shit thats awesome since I feel absolutely nothing anymore. It makes me so confused though.

Where the hell am I. My flashlight left me. Flashlight where’d you go. It’s dark and lonely. (Just a random thought in my head.)

Well, I’m confused and even though I should see a psychologist of some sort. Well I just can’t. If I did see one, then the military wouldn’t let me in due to them checking my medical records and find something wrong with me. If I try to join and dont go to a psychologist then I will have to figure out how I can personally keep myself sane… alive… keep myself well until I go into the military service. I am already having trouble dealing with it all as of now.

People have conversed and explained different things. How they lie about the benefits of the military, how it would be bad for me to join in this mental/emotional state. I can’t really figure out what the truth is. Same with Shannon. People are so cynical thinking she lied about her attempted suicide (I know she attempted), and that she is actually immortalbae, the sadistic moron who hacked her account. It pissed me off that they called her words bullshit… Recently anger is the only emotion I can thoroughly feel. Everything else is mostly gone.

I wish to visit Shannon in Canada and finally see her in the flesh. Rather than through lenses in computers. How can I join the military and be with her? I would have to choose and the military seems like a worthy future to me. She could go off to college and whatnot since she is such a smart girl. I could call her and whatnot during my military service and if I find out she kills herself, then end it at war. That had been my plan all along. Shoot myself while in the military service, or let the enemy shoot me. Or survive and go to college. The sad thing is she shunned me on tinychat and made me anxious and hurt, just a bit. Nervous about it, talking about me. Like a lost puppy, I walked off to hide in my corner as I wonder whats whats wrong. Whatever then.

Why am I still depressed? Is it that I need affection? Is it something from my past? Or is it just me?

It could be that I need to be with a physical significant other. Why not ask someone at your school? I can’t, it’s hard and nearly impossible for me to ask a girl out in person, the only way that I feel it would be right to do. When my mind gets put on the spot though, it shuts down. Someone asks me a question, and I can’t concentrate. Makes me wonder if its because everyone in my generation has been given the title the Entitlement generation. We believe we are entitled by birth to get the things we want. Working hard is all we need to do. If we do a crappy job but keep trying we deserve an A.

Makes me not really want to try and that causes me to pass all my classes and not be ready for college because i stopped trying.

Generation Entitlement. I need to remember that word. Entitlement EnTiTlEmEnT. This post deserves an A, even though it makes no sense at all… I don’t know if it really makes sense…

Not muvh else to say.