Nothing going right… maybe that’s a good thing.

Things have gone worse. But, that’s probably good for me. I talked to the school counsellor the other day, and honestly it didn’t help. She’s going to tell my parents. That is why i didn’t want to go in the first place -.- She thinks i suffer with some depression, but it’s probably not a bad one. It’s not like i have trouble sleeping or anything. I’m going downhill, but then i guess that means i’m going uphill in a way. Me suffering is a good thing. It’s meant to be. I’ve lost interest in everything i loved, in food even. I only really eat dinner and don’t get hungry that much anymore. My ‘problems’ aren’t that serious. I don’t cut really deep, but that’s only cause i don’t know how too -.- And i haven’t attempted suicide yet, so what’s the problem? I don’t need help, i don’t want help. If i get help, i’m helping myself and i don’t want to do that. I’m my own enemy, who helps their enemy?

I regret everything. I regret telling anyone about my ‘problems’. I regret trying to help myself. I regret being alive still. I regret all the mistakes i’ve ever made. I’m guilty of everything. I turn people down, i’m an absolute *****. I’m terrible, i’m guilty of still being alive. Why didn’t my mum have an abortion or something? I should have never existed. I’m a mistake, i’m trash.

I have found a reason for why i want to kill myself. I guess it’s kind of like when you have an ememy, let’s say you’re taking revenge on someone who killed someone close to you. It’s like that. And you know, I want to die. I’m not scared of the afterlife part. It’d be cool to see what it’d be like. I’ll be able to know, but won’t be able to tell. I’m scared but excited 🙂 No one on here should worry about me, worry about yourselves. I’ll be fine, on my way to death.

Gumpy