Numb.

I Feel Numb. My aunt Sue is in the hospital, she’s getting a surgery that should hopefully remove her breast cancer. When MaSue told me all I could do was sit there speechless thinking “this can’t be happening to another aunt.” But somehow I’m more at peace with the fact that she has breast cancer than I am at peace with how I’m handling it. Shouldn’t I be crying? Shouldn’t I be worried? Shouldn’t I be freaking out like the rest of us? I feel empty inside; heartless. Maybe it’s because death is more comforting to me than the living, either way I feel horrible for being emotionless and I hate feeling as if it doesn’t matter, its breast cancer its serious thing and yet I act like it’s nothing; I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Everyone else can show emotion so easily and I just look like a depressed freak; why is it so hard to show emotion? Everyone makes it look so easy. I’ve been trying to figure it out for so long I just give up.