Im tierd of crying , im tierd of always getting hurt in the end.
I want to have one fuckin day to not cry . Daddie , why did you leave me ? I love you dad , why did you do this to me && mom it’s unfair your being selfish i will always love you though .R.I.P dad. && this guy I “like” he don’t like me there is no way he probly desprate . After all im a ” LITTLE GIRL” ugh I hate crying . :/
November 2012
When you have no where to run.. No one to talk to.. No place to hide. When it feels like the pain is always on repeat. When there’s always a rainy cloud hovering over your head. Nobody understands me so I start to pretend like I’m better like I’m happy. My body is numb and scarred. I want someone to save me and take me away.. Far away. Death himself maybe? I’m miserable and suffering everyday. This isn’t how life is suppose to be. When will the pain stop and the tears run dry..? When exactly is it going to get better? When will it […]
I am a downer for everybody. Please take me.
I’m really tired, I can’t live and I can’t kill myself and I spent last years just hiding from the world in my room and trying not to think about it. But now I’m losing strenght, I can’t run from the decision anymore. I’m really afraid, I can’t live because I’m so lonely that I see no reason… and I don’t want to kill myself, I would like to live… I just need someone…
Now I just wish I could follow through with it. I’ve got the scalpel. Just one quick slash to the throat, 2 minutes and it’s over. All over. Peace. it’s all I want. Why is it so hard? It can’t be that painful….
When we feel love or something like that for someone, we learn to suffer and hate like that person.We feel what they feel and sometimes we feel more. My cousin, my sister, we’re all scapegoats in this family. I am the little rude *****, my cousin Laura is a stupid satanic slut with a shitty life because of her black painted nails. And Layla, oh, the poor  little fat girl. She’s the destroyer and the devil, the sinner who ended our relative peace, because she tented grampa to sin and we all know he is a great man of God and that she is the […]
Hi, I haven’t posted for a bit…but I need a few people’s help. One of my friends tried to commit suicide the other week and he really needs people to talk to. When I first came on I know good girl and one_day really helped. If dawg’s still on, of course him…please…just try to help him.
Please do not report me and get me taken into the mental hospital. I just spent 49 days and nights in the hospital over the summer and I had to self-catheterize on the psych ward in very unsanitary conditions. I contracted an infection immediately and had to struggle to get Cipro to treat the infection. This is my dilemma: I want to go to the hospital for the company of people, but it is risky for my physical health.
My father once said to me, “Life dealt you a really shitty hand, but all you can do is play the hand your dealt.” That was before I lost bladder function. I did not think to say to him at the time, “Well dad, I can always fold.” I was born unto a house of pain, and now I have to deal with health issues on top of all the psychological issues, all the arrests, all the beatings, all the hospitalizations, all the incarcerations, and for not ever really even breaking the law. I have been locked in a dry cell with nothing in it, no plumbing, no […]
im looking for someone i can talk to preferably a guy olser than 17 i have questions and i need answers and if anyone needs a girl to talk to not just for questions but for a relationship boy or girl over 17 i am looking for one. i know this isnt a daiting site or anything but you never know who you might find that you have things in common with. you never know so im lookin…
I’ve been trying not to talk about my personal life, but my therapy appointment kind of devastated me this morning and I need to talk somewhere. The counselor said that hospitalization might be a good idea, but the devastating part is that this is one of my “good days”. If a professional thinks that an average day in my life is “worthy of hospitalization”, then it’s fair to question my overall well being.
I feel as if I’m on death’s doorstep right now…
When I apologized to you the other day in case my inquiry had upset you, I had not yet seen your comment. Yesterday I saw it and read it and I felt hurt again even though I know I am not responsible for your hurt, but we are all in this thing together, and I just feel bad and think in the future I must be even more careful about asking people here questions. I cannot seem to find your comment in order to reply to it there, so I am doing it here. Even if we can consider it healing therapy to hurt and cry, I still feel […]
At the end , your the reason why im happy !
I can’t live like this anymore. Nothing seems to be enough reason to stay. Not my husband. Not my children. If the devil really exists, he’s FINALLY won this 19 year battle with me. at only 29 years old — I am no longer strong. I feel so weak. My health is poor — yet better than most. I have everything and desire nothing. I dwell too much on the coulda-woulda-shoulda- that I can’t see the now, And the worst part of all is I am aware of everything and care not to change any of it, I want to die. I long for death […]
Controlled by a Masked Man By MissCMF
© Copyright November 2012
I can’t control any move, my head gives up soul comes to prove
The voices chant, the pain begins; I know I will never win
Crashing into tables, causing tears, but no one can know of these fear
When people enter I struggle to stop, act like I’m fine when really I’m not
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If I told people what’s going on, they’ll think that I’m crazy that I don’t belong
Who has a masked man in their heads, who when takes over makes the real me
The voices he uses are the ones […]
Yah no i feel a whole lot better. Glad i joined this .thanks everyone for saving me . Y’all mean alot have a safe holiday and merry christmas && a happy new year loves take care . I hope you all Change your mind. <3 with love , hailey <333
“I think its better if I dont come over today. I dont really feel like being used and treated like a whore today”
“Thats fine, ill see you another day. Maybe somewhere next week”
I mean. This was an expected answer. It still made me quite sad. I dont know why. Like I said. It was expected. Our agreement basically is that I let him use me like a whore. It makes me feel usefull. Slightly less worthless than I am when Im not being used.
Still I sort of hoped he would tell me I could come over anyway and we could just hang out, maybe play […]
I spent a couple hours reading the posting below. Still not done with them yet, but post #75 was bothering me all night:
http://depression.about.com/b/2005/09/04/suicide-and-god.htm
A lot of thinking and planning about how to do it today.
Ive been thinking of suicide lately and this is not the first time i have attempted before and failed, i really thourght i had got myself over the worst of it after that until recently. Me and my gf split after a long period of being in a kind of together but technically not situation after i messed up an hurt her (wasn’t the worst thing i could of done but it was bad) all the guilt of hurting the person i love the most has kickstarted my depression and i did try to deal with it but im getting nowhere, i dont feel like […]