I feel like ive missed a step on a very steep never ending staircase and unable to stop myself from tumbling down each little step. Going down.. Down.. Down. I see nothing but darkness as each little stair makes it’s own mark on my torn fragile skin.. Warm salty tears kissing my chin goodbye as they splatter on any surface below them. Hoping that I stop soon but both me and the darkness know it isn’t going to happen.. So I’m waiting for my body to become so broken and shattered that my soul has no choice but to leave it. The tears still making […]
November 2012
Tonight I was feeling total despair…..I lost my brother to suicide in 1999 – I was contemplating just giving up tonight. I got the courage up to call a hot line I felt weird but desperate to have someone hear my pain. The guy on the other line said some things to help me think straight. I do believe if we want to go we will. Despair is something that can be so intolerable the thought of not being is a comfort. I do have love around me but that doesn’t mean that sadness and loneliness doesn’t find its way through. Being on this site […]
I’m sure i’m not the only one here who puts on a fake smile, laughs, talks, and pretends to be a perfectly happy person. Everyone at school, besides my best friend, believes the act. I started cutting again 2 days ago. The wounds weren’t deep at all. If i hadn’t done as many as i did, they could pass for cat scratches. Since it’s winter, wearing long sleeves all the time isn’t suspicious. I prefer to anyways, though, because i have 4 years worth of scars on my arms (i didn’t used to have to worry because i had quit for almost a year so […]
It strikes yet again. Left to dwell in my thoughts. I am sick of feeling ravaged. I’m not looking for pity. Just for help. I want to end it all. I came so close to ending it all. Just make the pain stop. Please. Someone. Advice?
When you left its like you took my happiness with you & left me with all the memories. Every moment we ever spent together replays in my head over & over again. You seem to be all I ever think about. I can’t escape because its all in my head. I wish I could sleep for a long time because when you sleep you don’t feel. I won’t have to feel the pain in my chest or the twisting in my stomach. You’ve moved on & I’m in the same place you left me. Its hard letting go to everything you’ve ever wanted.
I hate the term ‘to help’ because it means that you have a problem to be fixed in the first place.
I am a teenager and have already been through more than most people can even imagine. My biological father left when I was a baby and is in and out of jail. I haven’t met him, nor do I want to, but that event in my life is still a part of who I am today so it was worth mentioning. When I was young (2-5) I was physically abused by my stepfather at the time (also my little brother’s dad). I have two half […]
I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Â I have rarely thought this much. Â I’ve always been an intellectual, but now I am really looking at this from every angle. Â I do want you guys to know that I hope that you don’t give up if there is any inkling in you to want to live. Â I want you to fight for a better tomorrow, I really do. Â I want you to be well and happy and healthy. Â And I really believe you can get there. Â Most of your problems are situational or solved with medications and therapy. Â I really think there is a way out for […]
My opinion… Im not hiding behind a user name.. My name is and soon “was”, terry alan chenault, 2nd born son of david weldon chenault, a self made musician and family man of five kids on a god given talent. A decendant of Five star general Claire Lee Chennault , commander and leader of the “”FLYING TIGERS”, an ace squadron of pilots who kept the japanese pilots from bombarding the u.s.military mftg.plants set up in china after the pearl harbor attack. FDR, GENERAL CHENNAULT, AND GENERAL EISENHOWER, discussed war strategy together. WE “WON”, obviously, yet a […]
why is it so hard?
The worst feeling is  knowing you can’t have something you’ve been wantiing so bad .. That one person when everything seems to be the perfect time  there’s always an excuse or another  girl that’s better .. Always.  The worst feeling is having to hide those cuts so no one could ever know.  It seems when things finally go right they take a turn for the worst no one hs stayed in my life for to long . It seems wenever I start talking to someone new to try and finally get over him they end up not talking to me again with no explanation  or […]
You are just alone. Sure you show everyone around you that your happy but really you just want to end your life. Thats how I feel everyday. I look at you and wonder if you feel the same way too. You just sit there and constantly think of ways to end your life. But Im honestly afraid of how much pain I would cause to those who care. I can see  when you’re sad, and you can tell when I’m sad. But I know I would never give up on you. Sure in hell I will always be with you to support you. But I […]
I just spent 19 days inpatient and am likely going to go to partial next week. I have bipolar type 2 with psychosis. I was misdiagnosed as having major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety. I also have PTSD. Please, anyone who is considering suicide, get help. Get a diagnosis, get treatment. You are stronger than this.
Like alot of people here, I’ve tried it once. Â I can’t lie, stuff did start to get better but it never left my mind since then, like something you can’t yet do but you know you will some day. Â By all outward appearances, I’m a very jovial, nice guy but, as is frequently the case here, what you see on the outside is nothing like what’s on the inside. Â Ever since the months leading up to my first attempt, I’ve been a different person. Â I had never felt such a consuming, all encompassing emotion before and it was really easy to come home and wallow […]
my life seems as if everything is fine and perfect. But thats not true… Everything in my past still weighs me down.. I feel as if i could cry for a million years… i have tried suicide manytimes. i quit for about 8 months now but i keep getting urges to try and kill, hurt myself… i dont know what to do…
i dont know how to say goodybye. i dont know how to leave this cruel world. i drown in misery everyday of my life. maybe its laziness. i dont know what is wrong with me. i cannot get up in the mornings to attend school. im failing all my classes because i miss soo much. my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend and it kills me everyday to see them. my mom has been gone for about three years out who knows where with another man. i feel so empty and im not happy. i dont remember what it feels like to even be happy. […]
i miss you so much. and i know i ruined our relationship. seeing you with someone else just kills me. it breaks me into pieces and i want to hold you again. i can’t live like this anymore. i miss school all the time. im weak and hopeless. and i only know the way out of this is to die. i don’t have the ability to do it myself. but i wish i did. i want to leave. im not strong enough to go through this pain and suffering. Â i need to let go. i have no true friends. i have my family but thats […]
I tried to kill myself a little more than a year ago. I still struggle with the thoughts, sometimes more than others. Right now I’m just so tired. I’m feeling “blah” again, how I did before. I can’t help but think about just giving up right now. It would be so much easier. I also can’t stop thinking about last time. I feel guilty for all the pain I caused everyone, but in some twisted way, I feel guilty for not going through with it.
The stupid thing is that nothing is really wrong right now. My life is pretty good…which makes me feel even […]
Emotions swirling
Happiness, anger, sadness
Which do i feel?
I feel fake
Unloved, unwanted
I am weak
Just a side character
I seek to be noticed
and held
But no one can see me
Amd i transparent? Invisible?
Doesn`t anybody care?
I cry silent tears
and everything i say falls on deaf ears
I am a souless doll
I have no free will
A doll`s emotions are painted on
Artificial
No one knows what the doll wanted
For the doll doesn`t speak for itself
I have to be a Fake person
to be seen
I have to be perfect
not me
I have to live up to
Expectations
not my limits
Everyday my will and emotions leak
From a cut in my being
A cut so deep that not even stitches
Could keep infection out
I […]