Male, 18, Black, 5’9, 265
Atlanta, Georgia
Tonight is the night. It was inevitable really. LOL i finally realized that i will die from stabbing myself repeatedly in the neck. Why? Who cares? I’m ugly and fat which will never get me women. I have a terrible evil personality that comes out when i hang out with people too much. I’m just going to wind up hurting myself even more or others if i just don’t get it over with. It’s really not the big of a deal, if God does exist he’ll be just send me to hell and I can move on with my life. LOL matter of fact this life has been Hell. Everyday i wake up with no purpose nor intrinsic initiative. I want you to know:
There are the weak and the strong. You are strong. I will die but it doesn’t mean you have too. 🙂
Everyone on this site has the potential to be stronger than me and eventually be cured of this suicidial depression.
Well i can go ahead and say it. Her name was Brittany
(respectfully thats not her name but close to it)
I love her. I love her a lot. I love her more than anything besides the Lord. The problem is no one really loves me back.
I mean she was beautiful. Brunette, petite with a nice ass. Soccer girl she was. Really fucking smart. She never really was mean to me even tho i like stared at her ass sophomore year w/ her knowing. She would always smile at me because i was so creepy. Thats when i fell in love with her. She spoke to me all the time even tho she knew i liked her. Then she got a boyfriend and in my mind i always wanted to ask her out but i knew i wouldn’t. She dated someone named Paul. he was a football player and he won her heart. I understood completely and i still couldn’t get over it. Every damn day soph year she and Paul would be standing right outside of my English class me and Brittany would have together. They would either kiss or hug and I would fucking just want to put a bullet through my dick and forehead. I knew she knew cuz i was really obvious about my emotions. After more awkwardness through text messages and social interactions during junior and senior year, Now we are both in college and she will get married to Paul. Atleast she’ll be happy right? She wouldn’t be happy with me thats for sure. I just wish i could be happy without her in my head. I got drunk one night like I am now and i texted her i wanted to hang out with her at her school and she didn’t text back even tho we are in conversation. She didn’t text back cuz I’m a black fat fuck ******. So all this time, she was just being nice to me but in reality she thought i was weird and awkward. Thats how great of a woman she was. lol maybe one day we’ll meet again. I could take a visit to her in heaven, oh wait nvm hell is completely extinct of God. Thats right. Well that’s that, goodbye brittany. I wish you the best of love and luck.
I can’t ejaculate while masturbating, i can’t even be athletic, i can’t even learn to control my anger even near my best friends.
My brother fucking just uses me as a money supply  in which my Mom gives me cuz she hates him sorta kinda. My dad said one day when i was 13 something really offensive to me (i forgot) but i said you’re going to regret that. This was right after their divorce. He said angrily, ” I ain’t gonna regret shit, hell”. That’s when i knew he just had me and my brother for one pure reason: to make up for his shitty life that could of been really loved-filled. My mom, last but not least, is just a woman who wanted to be a mother to me and my brother. We both failed her. I knew she was annoying, sensitive, controlling and a workaholic but she had a good heart.
Now how to die? well i thought about just stabbing my jugular or however u spell it.
bye bye now take care 😉