To End It

So this is my first post and I just want to say that my life is full of shit as I’m sure some (or most) of yours are too. I don’t have anyone who can hold me and try to make me feel better in my dire time of need. I already made a plan to kill myself. I even have several backup plans just in case and my final backup plan would be to jump. A 27 story jump would work. I am just going to wait until the end of the week so I can properly say goodbye to my best friend who is now my boyfriend. Our first date will most likely be our last. It’s not like I have anything else to really live for. All of my “friends” either aren’t my friends anymore or they are ignoring me. The only people who truly care about me (but I don’t necesarily care about them) are my relatives and my boyfriend. Life isn’t worth it. It’s just full of pain and lies. When I was in 7th grade and had a “crush” on this guy, a girl found out and asked him out for me but he said no. Ever since then, I vowed to never fall in love or be as happy as that ever again and I’ve surely kept that promise. My view on life is so much more realistic (I think) than so many other people (especially teens) who don’t have these kinds of feelings like I do. If I don’t die, I want to become a mortician and be a single mother (by adopting [a girl]). I don’t think thats ever going to happen for me though because I feel like life isn’t worth it.