unbearable sadness

Where to start . Im sad . Unless your lucky , in my terms lucky being having the perfect life set up for you via wonderful (wealthy) parents or extreme good choices , then life is literally depressing . When someone asks why do you want to die ? my response would be , why not ? It sucks to have no one to talk to who understands . It sucks to be so alone all the time . I dont know what happened . There was a point in my life when i was so happy . So unbeleivably happy . That’s gone now , and never coming back . Theres nothing to live for . When people say oh , but what about your loved ones , they’d be so hurt , that’d be so selfish of you . They’d get over it . It’d be selfish of them to not get over it . Life goes on right ? But personally me , i guess you could label me as depressed . But is someone depressed because they are aware of the ugliness in the world . I’d rather walk with god than walk in pain everyday . Looking from the outside in you might say my life is perfect . Looks are deceiving . Im in so much pain just thinking about the future , and knowing that theres nothing left . Pain and struggling is whats ahead , its what my whole life consisted of , and whats yet to come . I really wish there was more to life . If i wasnt scared of pain or hell i’d be dead . If i didnt beleive in god i’d be dead .