12/9/12

I just cut again the other day. It was 2 on my my palm. It`s funny because i told my friends Kiana and Reina, and they became angry and slapped my arm. They hadn`t cut yet since the butterflies and i did so they were mad at me. The reason i say it`s funny is because while they were mad at me the only thing i could do was laugh and tell them that i learned something new. When they asked what i giggled softly and tolf them that scissors suck……… and that`s all i could think about. I don`t even remember what i had cried so hard and cut myself for. I think that`s bad but i`m not sure…….is it??? My mom still yells at me everyday or so and the other day i tried to tell her about how i feel, and do you know what she told me???

She told me that i just wanted to be in the spot light and that i was pitying myself. From then on at home the only emotion i have showed is sadness. The rest is fake, my own mom can`t see what she is doing to me……. she says that she is trying to get throught to me, bu if she really was she would have seen that i am cutting snd dying inside.

That reminds me of another thing. I told my older sister around the same day i told my mother that i cut myself. Even better she laughed a little and asked what was the point of cutting. “Why waste time cutting, when you could be killing yourself” she said “people who cut themeslves are just afraid to kill themselves” she said. And that was the lowest blow i have ever taken. The only thing that was going through my head that day was

AM i that worthless? and Why does no one understand? sadly no one seems to be able to answer these questions.