Am I just a superfluous person?

I went for a walk tonight and it occurred to me that maybe there are just too many people in the world. Maybe somehow the universe just created too many people and some of us are just not needed. Perhaps I am one of the people that isn’t really meant to be here. I really am unwanted. I have no friends. Yes, I have people that I talk to at work, but no real friends. I am 37, I work in a professional job. I don’t have kids. I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 7 years (we don’t live together) who has a son and I felt very close to his son, but every holiday time I am left alone while they go camping or vacationing with other families. I am not allowed to go. If I ask I get told he wants to spend time with his son. I don’t understand how the other people are allowed to be there while he spends time with his son and I am not allowed. I spend time with them on the weekends if it is at their house and I stay and we have dinner together, but if they go to other events or visit other people or do fun things I am not allowed to go. I want to have people that I am close to, but I just don’t. All the other people that I know have kids and do family things that I don’t get invited to coz I don’t have kids. My own family (brothers and mother) don’t really want me around and I see them very rarely. The only reason my mother stays in touch is coz she wants me to look after her when she’s old. She keeps telling me she wants me to buy a house with her because she is retiring next year, but I still have hopes and dreams that one day I will meet a man and have a family of my own. My mother was very abusive to me as a child and I still don’t completely trust her, she seems to have a way of making me feel like an inferior person all the time. My job is not so good either, I can’t find stable work and keep getting outdone in applying for contracts by the people who seem to be ‘friendly’ with the bosses. I work in education and there is a lot of bullying and competition in the workplace. I believe that has come about because the area I live the education system runs on short term contracts where people are employed dirrectly to schools and there are not many checks and balances in place to make sure people are hired on merit instead of who sucks up the most. I work really hard, I love and care intensely, but nobody wants me. I am just a spare person that doesn’t have any place here. The only thing that keeps me in this world is my niece, I’m scared that if I am not here I will not be able to help her in life if she needs it. I love her so deeply, but I rarely get to spend time with her. She is 13 and my younger brother’s child. Her parents are not together though and she lives with her mother. She sees her dad on some weekends and so I can’t interupt that time. She is the only person that makes me happy and who I feel connected to. But, I fear that soon I will not be able to stave off this feeling of wanting to leave this world. I feel like I’m only holding on for her, but I don’t have a huge impact on her life now anyway and I don’t know if I can keep going just for her. The rest of my life is so painful and lonely. I only see my niece once every 6 months and it’s not enough to outweigh the negativity and desire I have to stop the loneliness. I can’t find any reason to be here. I need to have connection with people, but I just don’t. I have tried volunteering, but I find that people just use you up and still don’t care if you’re ok. I hate Christmas time. I feel so lonely. I don’t have anyone to spend new years eve with and will be sitting at home on my own. I don’t think I can face that. I don’t want start another year without anyone who wants me around.