Another Failed Attempt The First in Months

I attempted suicide last night again.. but as you can tell i didnt succede. I took a handful of prenatal vitaims but just ended up heaving my guts out along with some blood. My dad and i got in a huge fight, cause i hung up on him in the morning while running for the bus.

It got worse when he planned TWO doctor appointments in the middle of my end of course test. I was pissed so i sent him a angry text in all caps. Then when i got home i went to a friends to install a game onto my computer and we had to go to walmart for a bit, apparently i told him nothing thought i sent him a text and i hung up on him.. even thought we both said bye.

When he got home with my mom he went home yelling about how horribal i am to him, and how he loves me and i do nothing for him. That im an ungreatful daughter and what not.

He then told me to go do my chores. I looked at him bitterly “i already did but thanks for relising” i then clapped my hands witch pissed him off even more, so he came over and started spanking me, but i fell to the ground so he hit me other places the yanked me back up by my arm.

Later i went upstairs and cleaned my room after turning in my laptop and phone to him, i wrote a suicide note, and took the pills. Laying down in my bed, it was only 9:53pm

He came up at 10:30pm and nothing was diffrent just felt sick and he said he wanted to talk to me down stairs, i said i didnt wanna but he told me to come down i had no choice. So I went down and my moms first comment was “what wrong” She watched my father scream at me and hit me and she asked me WHATS WRONG IS SHE FUCKING BLIND! i was raped when i was younger getting hit or yelled at now sends me into a panic, i fought not to cut that very moment, to wait till later that night when they were asleep.

He then hugged me saying he was sorry but i need to start being a better daughter and shit, i then went up stairs falling asleep cause of the overdose. Woke up at 12am puking my guts out. My parents didnt wake up like usall.. then i fell asleep in the bathroom till about 4, when i started puking blood again, after that i crawled back into bed. 7 am came and i woke up head throbbing, my hallucations taking hold.

I peeled back my sterial scapel and started to make thin slices on my arm. I was testing how deep i could go with my light pressure, and now i know how much pressure i can put with out making two deep of cuts.

My left arm is shreded i cant lift it past a foot from my him if i want to my other arm needs to help move it. Im wearing a jacket and now im at school reviewing before my EOC.. My heads throbbing but what ever. I hope i die in the middle of the test but the meds are probally wearing off now.. so now i failed again..