I am at my wits end. I used to love life, now I am lonely and in poverty. I am married and my husband takes my entire paycheck every week. I’ve told my husband very clearly “I want to die”, he acts like he cannot hear me. I don’t eat, I don’t have sex anymore, I am nothing. All I do is work and cry. I punch myself in the throat, I tear shreds of hair from my head, nothing makes me feel better. I’ve done drugs: nothing. I’ve seen a therapist: joke. I’ve scalded my whole body in boiling water to punish myself, nothing sinks in. Nothing changes. My entire family has turned their backs on me. I’ve been raped over and over again, people lie to me, steal from me, kick me when I’m down, and now I’m all used up. I do have a grown son and I don’t want him to know that I committed suicide; I’d like to leave him my life insurance policy, which is voided in the case of self induced death. It’s the only worthy thing I can give him. Here is my plan: please let me know if you have any suggestions:
I’m going to make tons of notes for future plans in my day book. I’m going to book a vacation for the Spring time. I’m going to take as many Klonopins as possible, drink some vodka, rent movies, and “accidentally” turn on the gas oven. I am hoping to pass out and never awaken. Any advice is very appreciated.
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4 comments
All counselors are not the same. Try a new one, you might even like him lol.
I might also consider talking to your doctor about taking SNRI’s. But if you do start them, it helps to pair it with a GOOD psychologist as well. They know their stuff, but not all are as good as others.
no no no. that sounds like an awful plan. it is much harder to die from an overdose than you think. if your planning on wanting to give your life insurance to your son, but can’t commit suicide, well good luck on that one. I have often wondered about taking a hit out on myself….but don’t know how that works. I suggest you divorce your scumbag husband and take your life back. take back your control! grow a backbone and quit being the victim, be the survivor!
Posting this will screw you over if they look throught your browser history .. btw i dont think you should commit suicide and this is another reason to cancel your plans. Get out of your husbands house i may be 14 but ive been raped. I know the pain, i have the scars. I went to court, i fought the battle, ive lost my faimaly and yes my life still sucks. Im not gonna say its grand, but telling someone and getting away from it all.. its helped. Honestly i rather start healing then sit in the cycle of pain trying the heal but only falling further from the light. Follow my post sometime. You come across things we have in common just know your not alone in any of this.