Okay so after a few days of heavy drinking and deep depression I had an idea.. and so far its actually cheering me up! god it feels good to not be so hopeless. this might just be a stupid rant but I want to know what you guys think because it sounds flawless to me. Here goes:
so I convinced my parents to let me come back to my home state. this is also the state where my ex-fiancee/abuser is. I miss him so much but I’m not quite stupid enough to just go running back to him knowing what he put me through..
I’m going to get breast implants! (haha I’ve been thinking about this for years and my mom said she would help me achieve this) not too big, just bigger than these plain ugly ones I have now..
lose some weight: I’m currently about 115 but I’m thinking if I lose 10-15 pounds ill be perfect!
go tanning to complete the look of course haha
THEN maybe he will see what he lost by treating me bad and he’ll want me back.. thats all I want. if I do all of this he will definitely want me back and if he doesn’t, well hey I bet someone else out there will 😉
I’m also thinking since ill look so good he won’t be tempted to push me around and hit me anymore. that avoids that whole deal and I sure as hell bet he won’t call me ugly and fat anymore since I won’t be either of those!!
Wow am I stupid for thinking this and sincerely wanting to do this? I dont think so and honestly I’m kinda happy thinking about doing all of this!! FINALLY!
6 comments
Guys that are insecure with them selves are the ones who are abusive. If you lose more weight, get fake boobs, and all that what makes you think things wont get worse. He might try to control you by not letting you leave the house. I remember when I was younger I had a smoking hot girlfriend. I got jealous every time a guy would look at her.
115 lbs is small, unless you are under 4 foot tall.
Do what makes you happy and be safe.
Thank you that might actually be true.. when I was living with him he wouldn’t let me talk to other people really or control when I left and where I went.. so your right I never looked at it that way. I just want to be happy with him. no one understand because they just see how he was abusive to me but I honestly feel that he’s my soulmate. I just want to be secure with myself and maybe then what he does won’t hurt so bad
based on how you wrote this post – i think it’s all a bad idea … everything you write suggests you’d be doing everything for HIM – and not for you … be yourself – i’d bet i’d be thanking my lucky stars if you were to date me – so i’m sure it has nothing to do with looks – and everything to do with confidence – which your abuser no doubt beat into your head how he was “doing you a favor” by dating you since no one else would – his words and actions are all bullshit – do nothing for him – in fact you should pretend he no longer exists on this planet.
guard dawg
Hey, sorry for being blunt. But I agree with Dawg. I think it’s a terrible idea. However, if changing your appearance make you feel good about yourself and provides a self-esteem boost. Go for it. But be prepared if it doesn’t work out as you would like it to. Who knows though. maybe you’ll find someone else and be happy! That would be the best way to show your ex that you’re over him.
“If you feel like shit, the people you hate win” – Anonymous
Hope it all works out for you! The best of luck!
– dededone
Wow, yeah after re-reading my post I realized that it doesn’t sound too good.. I want to improve my confidence but not for him. after all, HE’S the one who shattered my confidence over 5 years.. Thanks everyone you helped me realize how stupid that all sounded.. I just miss him so much and that makes me feel so terrible after what he did to me by sending me to the hospital all those times.. WHY CAN’T I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIM?! 🙁
in truth – you’ll not likely ever “forget about him’ … and in a way that’s not a bad hing – you want to go forward in life knowing what to look for when dealing with ‘men” like him – but instead of spending your time thinking about what you could have done differently to have created a different outcome and wondering how life would have been ‘only if …” … you need to look to the future and envision where you want to be and with whom … not looking back at where you were. rebuild relationships with your friends, go out and make new fiends, do things you like doing, learn things YOU like learning
… nothing can change the past – that history is written, and nothing you could have done would have changed how it all ended … the only thing that would have changed is the series of events that lead to the end but the end pretty much remains the same
well thankfully you got out …
FYI – “soul mates” do NOT abuse each other – as long as you keep justifying and marginalizing his behavior for anything other than what it is – a crime – you won’t be able to move on from him
perspective dawg