Hate myself and want to die.

I’m 17 years old and my mom is getting remarried for the 3rd time in 3 days. I hardly know the guy. He’s moving into our home and i’m  not thrilled. step parents always try and act like they’re your own parents and it’s bullshit. My dad is the only one who understands me. ONLY one.  He’s on drugs as always, who knows where.  I’ve had depression and wanted to kill myself ever since summer after 5th grade. I still don’t know what caused it. Probably just the manic depression,anxiety and bipolar that runs in both sides of my family finally kicked in my system. I’ve been hospitalized 3 times by trying to OD. I’m still here sadly..obviously. Can’t tell anyone in my family i want to kill myself everyday. They know i’m depressed, that’s the first thing you’d think when seeing me. No way in hell am i going back to hospital. I’m in a success program at school, (behavioral problems class) I hardly go to school, i ditch everyday pretty much. What do i do? what i do everyday- Sleep and play guitar thats all i do. They cut my schedule down so i can leave at lunch and i still don’t even go. I have only 2 friends, i don’t even 1 like that much and the other lives in another state so i can just text. No one hugs me or tells me they love me. I hate everyone, I hate my family, I hate myself and i only listen to Nirvana. ONLY i feel like i can relate exactly to Kurt. If i kill myself which i will, I need it to be at 27. Maybe i can start a punk rock band too,then i can really be in the 27 club. I know everyone on here say’s “OMG i totally know how you feel!” you guy’s don’t. so don’t even start saying that because it’s just going to piss me off. That’s another thing i guess, i’m a ***** and i don’t care about anyones feelings. because i feel completely numb and honestly just don’t.care.