I should have, I could have, but I certainly wouldn’t have

I should have kept going to therapy, I should have told my mom that I was sticking my finger down my throat to lose weight, I should have told her that my therapist wasn’t helping me, and I should have told her how low I truly was.
I could have spared her false peace of mind, I could have saved myself from this relapse.
But, I didn’t, and I wouldn’t, and now I’m paying for it.