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I think I’m nearly ready to give up.

by soindestirages

The pain doesn’t get better. Each day, my suffering seems to increase. I feel like a ghost walking through my life, I don’t know if anyone sees me or not, I feel invisible. I avoid talking to people for fear of frightening them with the truth… if they listen to me, or look into my eyes, they might see what I try to conceal; anguish and loneliness at the threshold of becoming more than any human being could possibly bear.

Last night, I cried for hours, and fell asleep imagining the instant relief of being hit head-on by a fast-moving train.


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blackhole 12/11/2012 - 12:43 pm

do you want to talk about whats going on in your situation? we’re all here for support.

soindestirages 12/11/2012 - 12:57 pm

I kind of want to, but I think I’m much older than most people here. Older people are seen as being hopeless anyway… especially older women. Hardly worth saving, right?

blackhole 12/11/2012 - 1:04 pm

i am a 41 year old female….so you make the decision. It helps me to help others and since my meds are working im not feeling hopeless anymore. i just like this site t o try and be here for others if they need to talk.

Amakua2309 12/11/2012 - 1:07 pm

OMG Soindestirages,

I am 51 and a survivor…I am also a woman…eeek…does that mean I am hardly worth saving?…hahaha Not in my opinion…I think all life is precious…but just my opinion. So are you older than Methuselah too? Or do you just feel like it?

Here to listen

soindestirages 12/11/2012 - 1:10 pm

Thank you…. there have been so many untenable changes in my life, so many radical losses… I have to return to work now. Been crying in my office during lunch hour. Thank you thank you.

soindestirages 12/11/2012 - 1:11 pm

I’m 51 too! I will return later—I’ve got to put a smile on an teach a few classes. Thanks.

Amakua2309 12/11/2012 - 1:30 pm

Hey Soindestirages,

Gotta run myself…watching the neighbour’s one year old for the afternoon. But I think we may need to talk…haha…so I will be back on around 7 pm myself…EST. Hope we catch each other.


Amakua2309 12/11/2012 - 9:55 pm

Hey Soindestirages,

I was looking for you…thought I would leave you a message in case you eventually get back here. I’ll be around lurking for a bit…and am usually here at some point every day…so I hope we run into each other again. Hope your day was better than you anticipated.


Jane doe 1/30/2013 - 4:49 pm

Im 36 I also thought I was older than most people on here. Depression and suicide has no age limit.
I do realise now that I started gettin suicidal thoughts and started selfharming and selfdestructing when I was about 14,I think its got something to do with hormones and puberty and all that,thats probably why there’s a lot of young people on this site dont yous think?

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