I try…

i am a woman,but i feel like a child sometimes. im married with a child, i dont know want to have these thought because i love my family but i feel like shit. i dont know if im smiling or im just waiting for the end of the day i stay at home ive only had 1 job n been out off work for a while He works and goes to trade school…somedays i try i look online for work i clean but i just give up its like forever is a day and it comes everyday we’ve moved far away from my hometown far i avoid talkin to my family when i do i try to make it seem like everything is going well. my inner saddest is destroying my marriage, i feel like its my fault we argue i say no for little things but when we argue i feel wrong for the things i say to him n i hurt from the words he say to me lazy dumbass but he say me being a stay at home mom doesnt bother him…. i knw it does but it bothers me more to be in the house all day i feel llike i dont contribute i feel like dirt i dont want to take myself but i dont want to keep putting on this smile i love my son thats how i thought i’d never do it, but these days feel long and it feels dark everyday i feel like its only a matter of time