I get so fucking tired of the “it will get better” and the “Don’t give up! That’s just when things are going to change!” or my favorite “There is a light at the end of the tunnel!” Fuck you. That light? It’s a god damn oncoming train.
Oh and those fuckin pro life bullshit assholes.. why Yes! YES!! YES I DO wish that my mother had aborted me asswipe. I dont know why she didn’t.
When I was 3 months old I had spinal menigitis. 3 weeks in the hospital. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped. No one held me. No one wanted to. The nurses even had a DNR order from the doctor. But my mother… no, she had to push didn’t she? I knew at 3 mos I didnt fucking want to be here. So why am I still here at 40? Not from a lack of trying to go! But now I have a 15 yo autistic kid. I can’t go. My options are gone. Im fucked to wallow in this piece of shit existance. I have an uncurable mental illness. I am so screwed up that even the federal government recognizes it and gave me disability. All I want is some rope. Just a bit of it. Some rope and a sturdy branch. My son won’t be able to make it on his own though. His autism is a disability as well. My mom has cancer, my uncle has autism, and I am saddled with it all. How much am I made to endure? Hell isnt a pit of fire. Hell is right here baby!!
4 comments
Hell is a state of mind…so yes you are in Hell I am not!! But I have been.
Nice rant btw 😀
Peace
Amakua
“Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel was just a freight train comin’ your way” …yup. *hugs*
SadBk, that’s such a sad quote. Like this one I wrote once upon a time in a poem:
“You saved me from the darkness to dump me back there again, you treat me like the old dirty canvas you restored so you could start all over again.”
🙁
Endless cycle of pain 🙁