This isn’t my first post here…But whenever I post something on this site, I feel like how I constantly feel when I do something like this in the real world – that I’m saying things that no-one wants to listen to, bothering people with my problems when nobody gives a damn. It’s been that way for a long time. Whenever I vent and rant, people just never cared. All they wanted me to do was to shut up and get on with my life, without giving a damn about what my problems were. That, mixed with the near-physical discomfort I feel when I cause someone else discomfort caused me to be quiet, internal, fake. Always a fake smile, always a fake happiness. Because that’s what people want, and I’m happiest when I can provide for other people.
Every once in a while though, I still need to vent, and now I find that I can’t even do that because it feels like I’m just bothering people with stuff they don’t want to hear…
I feel that right now, as I write all this. Stomach twisting, head bowing on its own accord, feel like I did something wrong.
How messed up can a person be?