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I’m so messed up…

by OddOneOut

This isn’t my first post here…But whenever I post something on this site, I feel like how I constantly feel when I do something like this in the real world – that I’m saying things that no-one wants to listen to, bothering people with my problems when nobody gives a damn. It’s been that way for a long time. Whenever I vent and rant, people just never cared. All they wanted me to do was to shut up and get on with my life, without giving a damn about what my problems were. That, mixed with the near-physical discomfort I feel when I cause someone else discomfort caused me to be quiet, internal, fake. Always a fake smile, always a fake happiness. Because that’s what people want, and I’m happiest when I can provide for other people.
Every once in a while though, I still need to vent, and now I find that I can’t even do that because it feels like I’m just bothering people with stuff they don’t want to hear…

I feel that right now, as I write all this. Stomach twisting, head bowing on its own accord, feel like I did something wrong.
How messed up can a person be?

11 comments
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11 comments

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 9:30 am

I understand. All ive ever wanted is for someone to listen, to understand me to tell me they feel how i feel and everything is going to be ok. If u need anyone to talk to xtoni93x@hotmail.com

OddOneOut 12/11/2012 - 9:36 am

I mean, I’ve had one or two people say that they want to listen, so I started telling them. One of those people starting spreading those stories around, and the rest of them got tired of my stories REAL quick and just ignored me one day…

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 9:44 am

I have 2 main friends i can speak to, one of them has aspergers so doesnt really understand emotions and the other is 41 (im 19) and doesnt leave the house none of them can really understand me, i find it hard to find someone who can understand. There are people out there who do understand though:) please dont give up x

blackhole 12/11/2012 - 9:51 am

You mentioned you like to help others. Then go with that. That’s what I try to do on this website. It makes me feel better to help other people .

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 9:57 am

Wish i could someone to talk to right now:/ i have a date set.. using a hotel room. No one cares.

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 10:04 am

Think my messages posted on the wrong story? But OddOneOut if you want to talk to me my email is xtoni93x@hotmail.com would like to.talk:) u dont deserve the life your living u are a wonderful person.

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 10:13 am

Email me, OddOneOut if u can.. all i want is some one to talk to.:(

OddOneOut 12/11/2012 - 10:33 am

why don’t you go to the SP chat room? we can talk there if you’d like

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 10:37 am

I dont know how to do that im new to SP x

overruled-19 12/11/2012 - 10:41 am

Where u from hum? U from uk?

OddOneOut 12/12/2012 - 3:45 am

South Africa. I’m Asian, but I grew up there.
Then I had to leave about 2 years ago, and came back to Asia

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