Insights from a Suicide Survivor

So I am reading the posts, feeling tortured by the sadness and difficulty so many are experiencing and wishing there was something I could do. Besides offering my support and empathy and encouraging people to ask for help, I feel pretty helpless. But I need to share a different perspective: a family member left behind. My son killed himself just over 8 months ago. We were blindsided. It was a short window of time from “all is OK and great in the world” to dead. We were a fortunate family—great kids, good communication. My son was truly the whole package: smart, nice, good looking, generous, musical, and just quirky and confident enough to make you want to hang with him. And his coolness wasn’t affected—he just really loved life, loved learning, loved adding to his knowledge. I mean, you hear parents say “the light of my life” and “my pride and joy,” but he was indeed that and so much more to us. We adored that kid, and the vast majority of the world did, too. He was just very easy to like and to love. So he gets depressed. And I say and do all of the things a loving parent would and should do. But I did not GET IT. I did not understand the sense of despair, the hopelessness. More importantly, I did not fathom that suicide was even on the table. Why would I? This was a well-adjusted, super bright kid. And no one told me that he was considering suicide, including him. Here is where I hope people who do want help pay attention: normal people (think not in the mental health field) simply do not understand your despair and sense of hopelessness. They do not understand the danger, and they think a pep talk will help. They cannot know the truth unless you tell them. This means using the word “suicide” and it means being honest about how truly crappy you feel. Your friends and family do care, but they don’t get it. So please help them get it and give them the chance to help. It is so incredibly hard and painful to have to continue in this world without my son. Our entire family has been completely devastated by his loss. We all hurt so badly and miss him so terribly. Then, on top of this heap of dreadful pain, we are stigmatized by our community. It ain’t pretty for those left behind, trust me… I want each of you to have a full life. Please save yourself, and please do not end your suffering only to leave a shit-storm for your survivors. Things can get better. If you want to reach me, you can write to me at my username at gmail.com. You deserve help and to feel better, and your loved ones deserve the chance to try to help.