Lack of color.

is it time for me too go yet? can I fade away too black and disappear? I am a lack of color. I have no reason too stay everything is just black and white too me. sometimes there are hints of color but mostly there are very short and if not rare. I am sinking in to a deep dark whole of emptiness. I am sick and tired of fighting this battle. Not a single day goes by were I wish I could die…. there are those who love and care about me and that is whats keeping me here by a thread… I am done with it all really… I hate the fact how I just feel so empty and alone. I feel so hurt and torn apart. no one is truly alone but sometimes the pain and suffering that we can go through just mentally can be mind boggling. I do take out my depression physically as well as the mental part. I have gone a full week of binging and purging. No real desire for exercise like crazy but the thought of being able too just wash away all the pain and emotions when I binge and purge is soothing. the bulimia is slowly taking over me. Its not at an extreme point I am only binging and purging every chance I get (which is usually during meals) I binge during that meal, right after the meal I purge and sometimes I like too go in secrete and stuff my face I like the feeling of getting rid of it all the pain I have and the sadness…. it lasts for a little and then its until the next time I eat… I am slipping away slowly and don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again.