This is my first time doing something like this. Not sure why I’m doing it, but yeah.
I’m 20 and live in England. Ever since I was young I’ve been different. I’ve always had a different outlook on life, and people, and so on. I try to be a nice guy, just like everybody else, but people never seem to do the same. I’m quite an anti-social person, so there’s that, but I always have time for people if they need me and never close the door on anyone – until they walk all over or something equally depressing.
Like most people on here (I imagine), I’ve not had the best life up to now. I don’t see the need to go into details about it but in some respects I’m lucky, as I imagine many people have had it far worse off than me. That’s one of the things that annoy me… how I feel so run down, depressed, lonely and damaged… yet I know there are people out there who have probably had it worse than me and yet are just getting on with it and not complaining or what have you. I guess that’s the cycle really. Depressing, frustration, anger, etc.
So yeah, I’ve been diagnosed with depression in the past, and anxiety. My Doctor gave me Prozac which I took for about 6 months, but it ended up making me feel completely out of control, and I hated that. It did work to some extent… but not enough to put up with the side effects. Â I’ve thought about suicide a lot in the past, though I’ve never attempted it.
I’m not sure where to go with this lol. I think the loneliness is the worst part of it. My family are slightly dysfunctional (christmas was fucking awful btw…) and apart from them, the only person I have is my girlfriend who I’ve been with for just under 3 years now. She’s amazing though, and fills up quite a lot of what I ‘need’ I guess. Aside from her though, I have 1-2 friends (not even close ones anymore) and a few old friends I rarely speak to. When I’ve had friends in the past, I’ve always felt I’ve given more than I’veÂ received, if that makes any sense.
What annoys me more than my own problems is the sheer amount of misery in the world. I hate to adopt a nihilist approach, but it seems to be more and more overwhelming every time I turn on the news/go on the internet. I plan to go to University in 2013 and begin a Psychology degree, the ‘dream’ (the closest thing I have to a dream anyway) is that I become a therapist with it.
I feel like I’ve barely wrote anything here but it seems to be extremely long already so I’ll tie things up.