Living the Dream Right? Wrong.

I just got out of a relationship 3 to 4 months ago and 2 months after we broke up, my ex hadnt given me any of the answers I needed to move on, so I asked all kinds of questions and the truth came out. She never was in love with me, we shouldnt have happened, she knew for months before she broke up with me how she felt and it was a mistake. I was with this girl for almost a year. You have to understand something about me, I dont do “relationships”. I dont like people alot. Im not a player, but I really just dont find any interesting people. I have alot of confidence, well, I used to. Ive been kind of fake here lately, I guess, which is hard for me to say because Im usually so honest. But I have no confidence. I act like I do, I act like everything is fine when its not. I smile, I laugh but no one knows my dads wife left him and now every morning I wake up and hear him cry. Thats what woke me up this morning. No one knows that every time I see my ex, my heart beats fast in my chest and I always feel worse after seeing her. No one knows Ive been fighting the urge to cut, or hurt myself in some way more and more lately. In all honesty the urge to cut isnt from the girl, its from everything else, the fakeness and she adds on to it all. All everyone sees is me, and all the girls hanging out with me and flirting with me…living the dream right? Wrong.