Maybe “The Band Perry” has it Right

More and more I think that “If I die young” has a lot of truth behind it.
Why doesn’t anyone listen when we’re still here to voice our opinions? Because it’s “all in your head”, “you just need to cheer up” and “focus on the happy things in life” OH why didn’t I think of that -_-. On the other hand, if I were to go back to those same people with a physical disgnosis like cancer or even a broken bone…. I’d get a lot more sympathy and a lot more support. How is this alright? The millions of people with mental illness have to sit and suffer because those around us deem it unworthy of falling behind, being sad or not performing up to our best. If I were to end my life tomorrow, however, I feel people would be singing a different tune. Suddenly, I’d be the hero, the focus of the news, and people would search for last words that I had said and hold onto them. Like the song says – “funny when you’re dead how people start listening”. But why can’t they listen now? I’m here. I’m trying. It’s a struggle to get out of bed most days – but it’s just all in my head so I should snap out of it.

I want to be understood. I want to be heard. Don’t get me wrong I feel I’m a strong girl who can stand on her own two feet as well as the next person – but to constantly have people beating you down and dismissing symptoms when you feel so low and so hopeless and honestly just ready to give up is getting to be so frustrating. It digs at me each day, and honestly I just am losing strength as well as patience. Even those closest to me – I have the most wonderful boyfriend without whom I would have never gotten through the past year – but if he tells me that it’ll all be fine and to just keep going, I’m going to be at an even greater risk for losing my mind … Just no one in my life seems to understand. When I have an “off” day, the first question that is usually asked is if I had taken my pills (antidepressants) that day. What am I? In a psych ward? (well not yet at least – if people keep saying that I might be upgraded soon though), I’m just sick of it. Antidepressants don’t make me who I am – I’m not dying without them. They’re there to help me because honestly I’m not getting a whole lot of social support from those who should be there.

I hope I don’t just sound like a broken record and really selfish – because I assure whoever is reading this that I’m not. It’s nice to have a forum where, hopefully, someone else will read this and be able to relate, or at least be able to see where I’m coming from.  I miss being “me”, I miss being truly happy and not just being numb to all emotions all the time. I’m sick of it. I’m getting sick of a lot of things.

I just wish I knew why in this world where there are so many medical advances that have discovered so much evidence towards the hindering effects that depression can have on someone … Why the only way people will listen is if the person isn’t there anymore to try and get them to understand – leaving only their memories .

foreverk