These past few days have been hell for me. I went on vacation with my family and well, my prediction was correct. It was miserable except when we did stuff like skiing and tubing. All the time in between was hell on earth. My sister was a ***** to me always being nasty and criticizing me and whenever she did the whole family joined in. So now i realize that i dont have a safe haven anymore. I have no support from anyone really. Anything i do is wrong. I have no friends except for the few i talk to in school but none that […]
December 2012
well as start i never thought that what happened to me exceed others pain,always seemed to me meanless and i always say,for God sake why i’m depressed
my depression came from my past,cuz when i was a child i always been sexually abused by my uncles,i felt dirty and sick,i always tried to tell it to my family but they never cared(until now i’am still being abused)and like this i started to have feeling for girls because everytime a guy touch me i feel disgusted and sick but with girls it was the apposit of it,well i won’t say that i’ am lesbian it was just […]
I know I should be thinking about ending my life but all i do is fight right now… my arms are weak from the pain… does it hurt to dream again? maybe she and i could be happy in our misery…
will be writing again soon… maybe it will ease some pressure and i can put some thoughts in order…
2:17am 12/30/12
unhappy thoughts… wanting to withdraw from college already… all alone for new years…
Right now I would love too give up. I would love to fade away. I am done trying I am sick of living. I am not happy, I am sick of always having too grow up and be mature. I do my best too be a kid and have fun…. I’m not really that fun. I take things seriously half the time. I come on here and unwind a little bit of me is gone no more pretending like nothings wrong and I have too act okay. People who know me well enough can see right through me but most of the time I’m shut […]
I just want to run away from everything. Leave the past in the past and move on, but I can’t. I’m sick of all this pretending and masks being worn. I have already died years ago and now I’m just waiting for the rest of me to catch up.
Completely lost my identity to bipolar three years ago when my family pushed me into hospitalization and disability. had a shitty psychiatrist who overmedicated me to the point of not being able to function. so medicated that I couldn’t hold a job, lost three in one year. My career is over, as one of the jobs was in my career field and I was fired. I’ve tried 17 different medications. now i tried ECT and it has obliterated my short term memory and ability to feel anything. I have no desire to do anything at all. My mind […]
My neck still hurts
The mark is still there
The belt that I used
Is laying on the chair
The handle is broken
Ripped from the door
Determined to prolong
This unnecessary war
So close was my peace
So close was my end
But this life-saving handle
Played the part of a friend
A brush with death
To sober my mind
Ending all misconceptions
Of what I would find
I anxiously awaited
The slow fade to black
As the darkness engulfed me
It was too late to go back
But now I hold this piece of metal
Unsure of what to say
Thankless for what transpired
I didn’t want another day
So what is the purpose
I hate this world, I hate it!
I hate my parents with a passion and wish they woud both die and go to hell!
I hate this stupid health kick my mom’s been on.
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate…well, not hate, just don’t love anymore, my boyfriend. But I don’t want to break up with him. It’s around the holidays! But I did handmake his present, so that will give him more joy in tearing them apart. I’m sure he will. Somebody please kill me now!
Well I’m 21 years old and seriously considering taking my life. I have no friends, have never had a relationship or even a chance to prove my worth to a girl. I stand alone day and night living this hell I call my life. I’m so depressed, frustrated and the feeling of hopelessness that washes over me is the worst. I feel as if this is it for me, this is going to be my life until they put me in the ground. The older I grow the more the loneliness and fear of being alone grows and it’s becoming a harsh realization that I […]
Im frightened of living, but also of dying.
This has been of my mind for a long time, but now i received a message that murdered me emotionally.
Help. I’m stuck between two things. Please… dont mention counseling. Ive tried it and it only brought me down more. My family and ‘friends’ think im okay again.
Im not.
Help.
Right now it’s nearly four in the morning and this is my 7th night sleeping late this week because of my insomnia . I’ve been really frustrated and angry these past few days and I usually don’t feel this way I’ve realized that it’s because I’ve been thinking a lot lately, with the new year approaching I feel very upset because a year has passed and my depression has gotten worse , last year I took time off from activities because I felt like there was something wrong and that the activities were no longer enjoyable so I wanted to take a break to focus […]
Yesterday I went to a family Christmas party on my mom’s side of the family.
Two years ago this party was something my entire family attended, all 5 of my sisters and I would go together, with our parents. We were all there every single year, together.
However since that time, everything has changed. My 19 year old sister was kicked out of my family when she was 17 causing my parents to accuse anyone trying to help my sister of taking sides. Because of my parents choices, I wasn’t allowed to see my sister, grandma, aunt, or cousins, except for once or twice a year. […]
Im 12 years old and i know you are wondering what a twelve year old can POSSIBLY Â have gone through that she wants to commit suicide well ive been bullied ive made a big mistake once and i did that mistake again i dont know why but i did it and i never let my thought out i always keep them locked in cause im scared..scared of what people will think..scared if i will get hurt..scared i might end up killing my self if i did say something but then again if i dont i will probably kill my self no one understands me NO […]
I am heading out for a night on the town, I am so nervous.
Wish me luck.
I hope your all doing well.
Peace
Ruins
I’m a gun owner and literally every day I spend the day convincing myself not to pull the trigger. I’m a single mom that had a pretty crappy life. I’m adopted but the family who adopted me is crazy. My mother is the worst. I’m not sure exactly what is wrong with her mentally but something is definitely wrong. Not only have I wished myself dead a few times but she has too. I’ve always thought she hated me by things she would say and fights she would get in with my dad when he would defend me. She’s always been jealous of me because […]
Sometimes I wonder, really wonder, if there is anyone who would actually miss me if I left.
It’s so hard, that even though I love and cherish life I don’t want to throw it away, I don’t want to let him win. But they just don’t seem to see just how hard it is. Why won’t they make it stop?
Someone, anyone, has got to see the effect it has on me right? Someones got to see what he’s doing? But he’s “My dad”  right? Im must be a typical spoilt brat teenager, parents don’t bully their children, if only they FUCKING KNEW. Someones got to see, got to be ale to help me, Except, I’m too good at pretending, to good for […]
Everything cleared – wiped clean.
I suppose there will be people who tell you if you change
your direction
your city
your name
your mind
you’ll be starting new. These people fail to recognize the nature of the problem: no matter what you change about yourself, you can never change your past. You will never forget those
choices
cities
names
faces
The problem is you.
I must be really awesome. I do everything for everyone and in return I was told to die by my mom my sister I’m learning how to deal with (but yes she still beats me and I fucking beat her when she does) then I was thrown into a fireplace and now have a bruise the size of half my arm swollen and tender to the touch. Awh I have a good life huh? Then my mom called me ugly. And beat me with a brush. Sister suffocated me so I couldn’t scream. I hate my life I feel like I’m losing my best friend […]