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So much swept under the rug…

by OddOneOut

3 years back, my family was in a severe economic crisis – we were broke. Living in a family friend’s house as a whole because we had to move out of our own; my father losing everything he had, spending time in jail and still having debt; having to move to a country quite literally running from money. It was a very bad situation.

But, bad enough as it was, my mother started turning into someone – no, showing a part of herself that me and my sister never knew was in her. She became a total *****. I know it’s unacceptable to be saying stuff like that about your own mother, but she was (and forever will be) a ***** in my eyes. A two-faced, lying, power-crazy psycho who is evil in almost a unique way. And I think she’s starting to slightly lose it too.
If she had not done that, if she had been a little kinder and more reasonable, more humane with us during that one year in crisis… Things wouldn’t be this bad. But she just had to be a total ***** to my sister and I, then change into this loving, caring woman in front of the public and my father’s eye. Absolutely two-faced.

And now she expects me to treat her with respect, as if she’s the most fabulous person in the world. True, she does sacrifice a lot, but for whom? She always tells me look your best, be your best in public. Why? So that I will have a good status in society? NO
Every time I did something embarrassing, even by mistake, she would always say “It makes ME look bad, you idiot!”. Now I see. She cares about herself only and the reason why she even pretends to care for me and my sister is because she’s so afraid that my father is going to divorce her if he sees what we (my sister and I) have seen.
And my unsuspecting father wants me to act like a normal son to her, and not be so rude. I’ve seen what that ***** really is underneath those smiles and laughs and high voices. She’s evil, cold, calculating, narrow-minded and doesn’t even attempt to understand other people.
Of course, I can still interact with her normally if need be, but I really don’t want to. I only do it to please my dad because he’s been through too much pain to see his own family ripped apart – but she’s making it difficult…
You can only sweep so much dirt under the rug before you start leaving a huge bump in it.

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KeepBreathing4Now 12/9/2012 - 8:13 am

She was hurting pretty badly is my guess – she is human just as you are – she is not immune to horrid depression – she is also allowed forgiveness. If you can’t forgive her – and you have not hurt anyone or made mistakes in your life – then let her go and stop dwelling on it. Beating her up in your mind – being immune to her depression is unfair. You dont have to sit in it. But sometimes people need to be forgiven and in that you lose the ball and chain around your own neck.

It’s easy to blame one person – moms always get their heads held under the water for failures. They know they fuck up and to be shunned and hated by their kids only adds to her pain. Its a good thing she smiles again – she could be back the way you describe if she were not trying. What do you want her to do – not smile? Hate life? Be depressed and suicidal? Maybe she is all the things you say – but we cant change others only ourselves. If you cannot be kind and forgiving at least stop hating her so vehemently and understand the world is bigger than just your hate for her.

She may be sick or ill. I am. And my kids hate me.

So from a mom – I will say you do not have to engage if you hate her so much.

YOu are not her husband. He is not stupid. He made his own choices and knew her long before they had children.

What you do with her in your life is your decision. You can be cold, detached and hate her if you want. Or move on and punish her for who she is.

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