Depression…It can come to anyone but that doesn’t mean it comes to everyone. It doesn’t just HAPPEN like that either. If you’re depressed, there’s a reason to it and it’s not something silly or stupid, it’s actually quite serious.
So that means all the people telling me that I’m looking for attention are wrong, and that something has happened within my lifespan to cause depression in my life. I’m not being an a**hole, attention-seeking or anything. I’m actually depressed.
But then there’s no cure to this. No-one to talk to around me, those whom I CAN talk to are far away, nad many people don’t even know that I am depressed because I’m always having this fake smile & happiness thing going on. I’m the one who’s always joking around, always smiling and laughing – sort of the class clown. So of course, who expects to see a sad clown??
These inabilities to talk to people – these walls – they were created by…everyone. Everyone in my life, including myself. Or maybe, the world gave me a way to go, and that way was to build the walls.
To those people who haven’t experienced it, having no-one to talk to sounds like such a petty little thing, while in fact it’s the centerpiece in depression for many people.
I can’t even talk to my parents about it. I’ve been thinking about taking pills and other medication, but to tell my parents right now that I’m depressed and that I need help…They wouldn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t.
It will be like “What the hell are you talking about?”. My mom would probably laugh at me (because she’s a ***** like that) and my dad would be a little more than surprised, even shocked. My sister would condescend and be all “I know what you’re going through.”, when the biggest personal problem outside of school she had was having nothing to wear for her parties and how to sneak out without getting caught. Her boyfriends here mostly good people so she didn’t suffer to much there.
No-one to talk to, nobody cares.
No-one wants to hear my story, so why am I bothering them?
I’m sorry that I posted. You probably don’t want to hear this, but even a clown sheds tears from time to time.