Tipping point

Today I broke an ongoing achievement of mine which was to never smoke , but I was told it relieved depression after the first one I was actually quite surprised at how I felt. It felt great I was also offered cannabis which I took, looking back I’m disappointed in myself as it was a stupid thing to do and now I’m getting addicted. But it’s made me quite suicidal I’ve gone to the point of self harm but what I found weird is it relived my depression more than smoking or weed. I don’t want to get addicted to this or take it to far but it would basically be the end for me. My life is slowly drifting further away from what I would call habitable. I’m thinking about seeking help but i don’t want to be poked and prodded in some mental institution. If you’re wondering  I’m 16 almost 17 and I’m male, I just thought i would add those details. Thank you for taking your time to read this.