8 Minutes Too Late

8 minutes. I was 8 minutes too late to catch the very end of the Liverpool vs Arsenal game tonight.

I’m not your regular football fan, in fact I’ve never even watched a full game before… Until recently I had never presented an interest in Football, but it’s basically our sport, England’s sport, just like ice-hockey to Canada or basketball/baseball to America. And to not even know how the game is supposed to function doesn’t quite give off the impression that I’m proud to be English. And also there’s this guy, and well the guy before that, and the majority of my male friends for that matter, and they all seem to have a united interest in football. So to be in on more discussions, generally be a more sporty and healthier person, to say that I am proud to be English and to impress a guy I have decided to take up football. Tonight was supposed to be me understanding how the English Premier League is better quality football than the Spanish Primera League, and how that somehow proves that Ronaldo is a better player than Messi. There will be other opportunities, but I can’t help feeling so damn disappointed. See me missing the match was my fault. I had ever so slightly pissed off my father by making him come and get me from a friends house (which is a considerable length away from my house and with rising fuel prices from our favourite prime minister David Cameron) anyway you get the drift, to patch up the relationship between me and my parents for being such a spoilt brat, I had to do them a favour, which took up until 8 minutes after the game had finished. Now I’m not a completely awful person, I’m in year 11 and a lot of my friends that I still care about, even though we’ve fallen out numerous times and this just happens to be the longest period we’ve all stayed fallen out, i still want to say goodbye and generally end this last year in peace with these people because for all i know i could never see them again for as long as i live. But they hate me. Every single last one. So working out with my best friend how to apologise and earn back simple peace at least, proved  to be quite the challenge, it always does really when you’ve screwed up all your   friend’s lives for five years and you just suddenly expect them to be able to forget and forgive you… I’ve said sorry to many times I’ve lost count, I’ve hurt to many people unintentionally by doing so many stupid things that I should have played out in my head first. It’s hard to say sorry when you’re as stubborn and as argumentative as me, but it’s even harder to say sorry when even you can hear yourself saying the same words you’ve said over and over, I’ve heard it all before and I know they’ve heard it all before, now even my most sincere apologies sound fake and old. I didn’t want to even say sorry this time because i know that they don’t; they wont forgive me. But i cant let the fear of rejection stop me, i have to put my pride behind and just apologise without it being practiced or thought about, just apologising with the truth in person, because thats all i can do, and i cant live with myself knowing i left them without ever patching up the scars in which i inflicted. They’re too important to me.

I just wanted to watch one football game. Have one thing to set my mind on, maybe even to enjoy and get into as a healthy hobby. I just needed to watch that game tonight so that i wouldn’t be lay here staring at ceiling drawing picture representations of all the mistakes I’ve made since year 2. There’s so many, i hurt everyone close to me. And my battery is on 1%