Bad Day

So I haven’t cut in a while. But I had a bad day today and I really, really want to. My parents are trying to help me, but they won’t listen. It’s just question after question. I can’t go to my mom or my dad because neither of them handle stress well, and this would stress them out.  I want to cry, but I’m too upset to even cry right now. I want things to get better. I miss promises being true. Every time I get a promise now, though, it’s broken. And it hurts.  I’ve had so many guys that I really, really liked be just so mean to me, and now I’m afraid to even like a guy. I just have to not pay attention to guys.  Otherwise, I’ll start to think about my biggest crush, then the others will follow. And then I’ll break down at school. I can’t do that. No one knows that I am the way I am. I told one guy, and he…. He completely blew me off.  I try to just feel numb inside, but numb is eventually replaced with hurt. I swear, I just want to do something to tell all guys to just stay away. I have one guy that likes me, and honestly, deep inside, I like him, too, but I just can’t trust anymore. He moved, anyway, so it would have to be a long-distance relationship. But I don’t know what to do, and I have absolutely no one that I can talk to about any of this. I almost want to go to school, tell everyone that I cut myself before, and then maybe they’ll think I’m a freak and stay away.  I wanted this guy named Trevor, my biggest crush to like me. He was awesome, perfect. He liked a lot of the stuff I liked, was involved in band, even played trumpet.  But this one girl told me that he liked me, which, of course, made my heart soar. So, over a few weeks, I tried to get up the courage to talk to him. I thought she was right, I mean, he stared at me all the time, and when one of his friends made a joke with me in it, he just blushed and hung his head. I thought he liked me just as much as I liked him. But then, my “friends” decided that they had to do something. They told him that I liked him. Actually, they told everyone that they knew that I liked him. Even random people at my school would come up to me and ask me if I liked him. Then he began to act like I was the nastiest, ugliest person he had ever seen. And he continued with that. I finally just ignored everyone and what they were saying.  It never got any better, though. So I decided that he wasn’t the right guy for me, and I found a new guy to like. But pretty much the same thing happened with him. And the next guy. And the next guy. And so on. So I haven’t been able to even look at him. Until we had a band trip. He was talking to me, for once! I was so happy. He just…. He was so sweet; he held doors open for me, put my instrument up for me. It was amazing. We were throwing paper wads at each other the whole time.  And I was texting my friend the whole time. She started in on this whole “Oh my God, he likes you!” thing. I denied it, and then, a few days later, a girl that I know said she had received “a very interesting, forwarded text from an anonymous person” that was supposedly from me. She said that it said he was all over me. I never sent anything like that to anyone, ever. EVER. Someone just decided to lie on me. But it’s okay, I guess. Trevor knows the truth. He doesn’t like me, but still. Gosh. He doesn’t think that I said that anymore, so it’s fine by me. I’m sorry that this is so long, but I had to get it all off my chest. I’m still upset, but I think I’ll be okay. I would even take a chance on asking him out if he didn’t have a girlfriend that hates me.  I guess I just need some help.