I’m at my girlfriends place right now. It’s midnight and she’s asleep. I feel no connection to her at all right now. I hate it when she’s like this. I’m so sexually frustrated I want to scream. I tried bruising my knuckles on a wall earlier, but she hates that, so I took Lorazepam. I think maybe if I just leave her someone might make me feel attractive again, but she deserves more than that really, after all I put her through. Or maybe I am just unattractive, anyway.
I’m so tired right now and I have work tomorrow but I just can’t sleep. I’m thinking of taking a knife from the kitchen and bleeding myself out in the bathtub. It’s probably a mostly painless way to die, and nobody would find me until the morning at least. I was thinking there are things I wanted to finish first, but if I’m dead, I won’t care anyway, so why care now?