First writing, my day.

This morning I looked outside and all I saw was snow. You may think: “Is that special?? O.o” Well, I can tell you: yes, it is. Because in The Netherlands we don’t really have severe winters or often snow. So when there is snow, it’s special. Especially when it’s like 6 inches, like today. I had to go to my part-time therapy (from 9 am till 3 pm every monday till friday) and luckily my father brought me. There was like more than 1000 kilometers of traffic jam, a new record! (on a normal tuesday in the morning it’s around 300 kilometers) and we also stood in the traffic jam, so I was grumpy. At therapy I almost fell asleep. I left therapy earlier, because I had to get the train. But the train was 10 minutes too late, so I got more grumpy. I had a appointment with a psychotherapist about (what they call) my “special experiences”. I was totally broken afther that talk. I decided to not go to dance lessons. Instead of that, I watched TV at home. I felt really bad and depressed and when I took a shower it went wrong. I took my stanley knife and cut myself several times, espacially on my hips and lower arms. This evening when I sat in my room, I have cut myself again. It’s such a two-sided feeling, it’s a really great way to express my feelings and stuff, but on the other side it only works for a couple of minutes but you will your whole life have to deal with the scars. Now I lay in my bed (in The Netherlands it’s 11.15 pm right now) and I don’t want to sleep. Afraid that I can’t sleep, or I will get scary thoughts or dreams or that something really scary happened (like my house will burn down or something). But I had to go sleeping :'(. I think I’m going to listen some music first, hoping that will help. On the pictures you see how The Netherlands looks when there is snow.