Giving in?

I want to give up so badly. When I do give up it won’t be sudden or unexpected. It will be slow. Slow and not so brutal. I can’t live with the notion that my father never gave a fuck and lives multiple lives to satisfy his ego. I can live with the fact that someone is always there for me. I can’t live with the fact that I’m such an ungrateful, self-centered ***** that can’t see beyond her own pain and suffering. I probably do deserve this. Then again maybe this whole thing called life never gave me a fair chance. I could argue in my mind all day about this.