Originally, I always thought that god loved me, and that other people loved me too. I thought that my lack of talents or good traits was just unlucky. But I dont think God loves me, or anyone else for that matter. Even my own mum, admitted that she thought that i am “Sick”. My parents are never going to be happy. Neither am I. It doesnt help that i have no talents or abilities or ethics, even the most basic instructions i find hard to understand. Im slow. Im dumb. Im weak. I have been called all these things by my parents. Theyre right of course, but it still hurts. truth is, i have never, ever won a single thing. Not even a game of cards. God hates me, he deliberately created me just so i could be a failure, a freak. Thats the kind of treatment i get whenever i go out at least, that is on the rare occasion that i go out, seeing as i have no friends. I just want out of life. Life is beautiful except for me, people dont like me on sight. My last hope was that i had one good trait. I dont like it when my parents or brothers make fun of other people. Strangely though, my parents get angry and frustrated at me for this. My parents hate me for everything. They comment on my looks everyday, and they treat me like im the worst son they could possible have. Oh well. Not everyone can be loved.
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God is everything, he is you and me, without/within shape, beyond time, so potent.
Infinite in every way.
Humans are not the ultimate creation – everything is without worth.
Humans give value to things – therefore, we make duality. We make things “less” and more”. Objectively, there is no right or wrong or good or bad. These are all human concepts.
Why would the infinite God, indulge in things such as emotion?
God exists, but his relevance to you in beyond the nature of your pain/pleasure.
So do not look to God for anything – unless you are on the brink of death and have nothing to turn to. Or treat God differently. God is beyond the capacity of your problems.
Without our perceptive ability, the apocalypse is just another outcome.
Another way for things to turn out.
It becomes “bad” for MANKIND. To US, it is bad, to animals it (may) be bad.
But to the emotionless (emotionless isn’t necessarily a bad thing, emotion, as I said, is human. Therefore, any God is FAR beyond/irrelevant to emotion) nature of existence, utopia or the end of the world is the same thing.
Its just another way for things to happen.
Sorry.
Tell someone about this now. If the pro’s outwiegh the cons, leave them.
Go, dude.
When your alone, and there is no-one else to tell you that you suck you will realize that YOU define who you are.
You can be anyone you want.
I’ll use stereotypes as an example.
One day, I could go outside dressed like a yob. If I can behave that way convicingly, people would look at me like I am one, treat me like one. The whole thing.
I become a yob. That doesn’t mean I am one.
Another I could dress like an emo. If I am convincing enough, people would think of me as one.
You can be anyone you want and its the person inside YOURSELF that says “I’m too this and I’m too that”, and the words of others that YOU allow to become true to YOU.
Everything that happens must go through the “filter” of you.
Your parents made you, therefore on a basic level they will be able to effect you in many ways because of that bond, they can pass that filter easier than most
BUT YOU ARE YOURSELF. “YOU” are an indescribable anything.
If they are hurting you ALL THE TIME and not giving you a chance to realize you can change and defeating the purpose of having a child (which is to extend their lives), then take it upon yourself as a living being that strives to love and live and leave these guys behind. Change things.
Leave behind the pain of the past, learn from it, live in the present.
Literally, shake shit up. NOT BY KILLING YOURSELF. But by doing whatever you can to leave those who don’t even give you the chance to think of yourself as free in your own mind.
IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO FEEL FREE IN YOUR MIND. To feel as though you can do what you want in this life. IF THEY ARE TAKING AWAY THIS RIGHT, GO. Explore.
Understand this world. Become and be something or someone that you want.
Be someone that doesn’t allow the pain you have felt be given to someone else.
End this vicious circle, be free. Break these chains made up of thoughts like “not everyone can be loved”.
That isn’t for you to know, and that is not the point. Life is either a glass half empty or a glass half full. That is the human condition.
You deserve whatever YOU THINK YOU DESERVE.
kc.aycee@gmail.com
Be well, friend.
You do deserve exactly what you believe you deserve. Look inside yourself to find that. We get those beliefs from our parents, but we don’t have to. You have the insight to see that they’re fucked up and you don’t want to be like them. So look inside your heart to find your worth, not thru their eyes. You said you want just one positive quality. I heard you say you dislike it when your parents make fun of others. That shows that you have compassion. Believe me, that is rare and precious. Being raised in dysfunction, we are prone to depression, but the up side is that we also develop a keen sense of empathy and we’re extremely intuitive. Focus on those qualities – you do have them – and try to see them as gifts you can use to help yourself and others.
Me too….for what’s its worth. We can be friends.
Clarity1987@hotmail.com