Healing but still Scared

I am healing. Bit by bit and slowly. I am regaining the smile I’fe been hiding and ignoring for years.
But I am scared. Still scared.
I am hated and loved, used and cared by people all around. I thought families, blood, adopted, and steps were suppose to care, help, love. I never got that.
From my mother or my step-father. My brother and my birth father were the only ones who cared.
My brother was my protector and my real father was my savior when he took full custody of me. But though healing. I am still scared.
I lost the one man who ever cared, loved, protected even if it means he would tar the blow. My brother.
I lost him through death, a murderous car accident. Even now I miss him dearly but I am moving on and smiling, just for him.
I am used like a toy. No man ever truly loves me. They say they do, they even show it but in the end, their true Colorado show.
I am healing but still scared. I am scared still but courageous as well. I am tired but awake. I am nothing and I am something.
I’ve lost and I’ve gained. But I will never forget the horrors of what my mom and step-father did to me.
Beaten, taped, yelled, scold, being called worthless, all the things you can think of. I still need help, I still need healing. A hand to reach out and a heart to tell mine “you’re worthy and I love you”.